Idol Savant 8

SEASON 9 SAVANT IS HERE

2010-02-23T23:33:00.000-08:00

Click here for our Season 9 coverage:

http://idolsavant9.blogspot.com

Please pass the word, and be sure to bookmark!

33,000 Idol Savant Fans Can't Be Wrong

2010-02-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

Idol Savant (along with its predecessor Idol Blather) has received nearly 33,000 Web hits in its four-year history of providing the most inciteful and definitive American Idol recaps on earth. Okay, so Web hits do not equal fan numbers, but we're darned pleased regardless. Don't miss the Idol Savant's Season 9 coverage, beginning Wednesday, February 24. Thanks to all of you who keep coming back, and be sure to join us as we launch an exciting 5th year!

Note: our URL address will be slightly different - keep your eyes on this space to get the new link…

It's Kris: Finale Recap In Exactly 30 Bullet Points. Do You Really Need This? [And…Hello, Kara!]

2009-05-20T23:58:00.000-07:00

It has been a long and fascinating season, and Chadboulet needs to rest up,

for approximately the next 8 months. But before I go, I want to thank everyone for returning every week to read this blog, allowing me freely bloviate on a weekly basis, while ignoring every detail with which you disagree. Taste is a funny thing — no one can actually convince you something works if it just doesn't work for you. And yet, we all apparently love to watch the parade, and throw our opinions on the table, none of which are ever right or wrong. Except mine, which are always right. [ But I kid!! ].

Without further ado, your Grand Finale, in 30 small pieces:

1. Ryan introduces our final two contestants, standing on the stage, dressed in "Finale white," of course.

2. Nod to the hometown crowds in Arkansas (with Mikela Gordon) and San Diego (with Carly Smithson), to which we shall never return!

3. Top 13 medley (in white again) of So What. Sorry, not the Miles Davis version. I think this was supposed to pump us all up, but instead simply gave us an pre-headache.

4. David Cook sings Permanent, reminding us of the flipside of his career potential. iTunes sale proceeds to go to his recently deceased brother's cancer fund.

5. Golden Idol Outstanding Male Award to Nick Mitchell, who reprises And I'm Telling You… as Normund [sic] Gentle. Good chance that we have heard this enough already.

6. Lil Rounds duet with Queen Latifah - Cue The Rain

7. Anoop & Alexis Grace do I'm Yours with Jason Mraz, who are joined by the other S-8 Idols

8. Kris Allen's "journey montage"

9. Kris Allen duet with Keith Urban on Kiss A Girl - nice pairing.

10.The Season 8 Girls sing Glamorous; Allison introduces Fergie who joins them for Big Girls Don't Cry; Allison introduces the Black-Eyed Peas, who do a big production number Boom Boom Pow with optically striped backup dancers; followed by a shameless new album plug

11.Golden Idol Award [for…Attitde?] goes to Bikini Girl, who accepts award in bikini, displaying new inflatables. She gets to "sing" and is interrupted with Kara who upstages her (shades of Clay Aiken & Michael Sandecki) with real vocals and…wut? a faux wardrobe malfunction? Kara's dress opens to black bikini —or underwear — of her own. She works hard for her money.

12. Allison duets with Cyndi Lauper (a crowd favorite) on Time After TIme

13. Ryan talks to Kris's parents; then Adam's parents, both in the front row of the audience, but on opposite sides of the theatre.

14. Danny Gokey sings Hello, seated on the stairs; introduces Lionel Richie. Duet on Do For You and All Night Long. No mention of his new line of eyewear dedicated to his deceased wife "If You Could See Me Now, Sophia" glasses. Daughter Nicole watches Daddy get Goked.

15. Adam's "journey montage"

16. Adam sings Kiss' Beth wearing…the shoulder-pad framework on which a Gene Simmons costume is built(?), 4-inch platforms, and sundry black leathery rock trappings. And then, guess what? Kiss actually joins him on stage. Kiss, backing Adam Lambert. No fair! And they apparently wanted to rock & roll all night. And party every day — despite the elderlyness masked by their ever-ridiculous greasepaint. Still, a Moment for the ages.

17. Carlos Santana plays the guitar intro to Black Magic Woman. Matt Giraud jumps in with vocals. The other Idols join in for big ol' group jam on Smooth.

18. David Cook presents the Ford gifts — Fusion Hybrids, to both contestants.

19. Steve Martin on banjo with his song from his new album Crow, with attempted vocals by Michael Sarver and Megan Joy. Oh, we get it, now! Megan—Crow! Coincidentally, Steve's new album drops tomorrow! What are the odds?

20. All the Season 8 guys in black suits & ties for Do You Think I'm Sexy group sing. Ugh. Poor boys. Adam introduces…

21. Rod Stewart, finally showing his age and sounding more like a dirty old man than an ageless sexy one sings Maggie May, a song about a young student who has an affair with a cougar. Oh, the irony. Oh, and is he really going to sing the whole thing? Yup. Damned rock legends.

22. Golden Idol Outstanding Female Award presented to Tatiana Del Toro, who milks one more moment in the spotlight with some embarrassing play-acting that doesn't quite work this time around.

23. Kris Allen and Adam Lambert take the stage for a rousing rendition of We Are The Champions, opened by Kris; joined by — guess who? Queen — sans Paul Rodgers. Guitarist Brian May and our 2 Idols had lots of interplay, and this is a season highlight for us — everyone on stage seemed to be wallowing in the pure pleasure of the moment — and this was indeed a Moment. OMG — does it occur to everyone else that Glambert could go on tour with them and take over lead vocals? It would be just like A Star Is Born. They could even bring Alexis Grace along on tour to stand on stage and sway!

24. Simon Cowell praises both finalists as brilliant and nice guys, even though [he fails to mention - and we won't forget] he wanted Gokey over Kris.

25. The Envelope is presented by the Envelope Guy. Almost 1,000,000 votes were cast - no clues are given as to the percentages. 38 million votes came from Arkansas alone.

26. Kris Allen is named Season 8 American Idol! He is dumbfounded and humbled. Adam is gracious. Cowell pouts, and wonders if it's too late to call and cancel production on that order for 8 million Adam Lambert action figures. It's a mad world.

27. Unfortunately for him and all of us, Kris must now sing No Boundaries. Can Kara help redeem this by returning to the stage in her underwear? That might be its only chance.

28. Justin Guarini in the audience, smiles and shakes his head. [We're hoping there's some obscure profundity to that].

29. Kris Allen hugs his wife and cries.

30. Everything goes dark until January, 2010, when we are all gainfully employed, and happy with our new post-recession salary increases.

Thank you, everyone, and good night.

Ain't No Sunshine In A Mad World; Cowell Founds Glambert Fanclub, Assumes Presidency

2009-05-19T23:59:00.000-07:00

You're standing at the corner of Allen & Lambert, a crossroads located in another dimension — somewhere between Conway, Arkansas and San Diego, California; a land between shadow & substance; a dimension not only of sight & sound but of mind; a realm of both the underdog and the over-blogged. You have just crossed over — into……The Finale Zone. The mainstream media has had a tagline field day trying to best characterize the last showdown of Season 8. Pop rocker vs. Glam rocker, some have said. Strummer vs. Screamer. Good vs. evil. Dark horse vs. Dark Force. Safe vs. sassy. Cuddly vs. crazy. Swoony vs. Swaggery. Fay vs. Fierce. Demure vs. demented. Soft vs. coiffed. And Seacrest joined in with a few others. We shall avoid the obvious cheap shot — calling this a "battle between the sexes." Man vs. Manicured, if you will. What is the measure of a man anyway? No, we refuse to go there - you'll have to ask Clay.

And as we are compelled to do each year, we pose the fundemental question: What IS an American Idol? What does one of those look & sound like? What does this title actually mean? If you have an answer, then perhaps you'll know who to vote for, or whether it matters at all if you vote. Former contender and 6th placer Jennifer Hudson has an Academy Award sitting on her mantle. Grammy nominee 4th placer Chris Daughtry is the most successful non-runner-up non-winner in Idol history. Idol runner-up Clay Aiken is the second biggest selling former contestant of all time. Remember winners Mr. Studdard and Mr. Hicks??? So, it isn't hard to make the argument that the crown simply does not matter to post-Idol success. Still, we would like it to, right?

And is it fair to call Adam Lambert "too Broadway" when so many Idol alumni have moved on to the Broadway stage? This list is long, and includes Fantasia, Clay Aiken, Diana DeGarmo, Anthony Federov, Reuben Studdard, Taylor Hicks, Lakisha Jones, Frenchie Davis and current Broadway star and recent Grammy nominee Constantine Maroulis. It's really no longer all about recording contracts, and Kris Allen may be more likely to play the Great White Way than to outsell Carrie Underwood with his first CD release. In our frequent Adam lambastes, we apply the the Broadway adjective as more an indictment of Glambert's theatrical singing style than of Broadway itself as a time-honored and still viable venue.

Three rounds: 1) The contestant Reprise choice; 2) The Simon Fuller choice; and 3) The dreaded Coronation song (this year co-written by Kara DioGuardi). From the Nokia Theatre in L.A. …are we ready?

Round One: Reprise Choice

Adam Lambert could have done no better than to choose a reprise of Mad World, the haunting rendition well suited to both his voice and this particular night, helped along by a 'long rider' jacket, stage smoke and backlighting. This felt very much like a concert performance of an established star, not merely a round in a televised talent competition — that is to say, it was polished, and professional in every way, and accomplished all it needed to. Randy Jackson, dressed as an insurance salesman tonight in a tan glen plaid jacket, checked shirt and clashing polka-dotted tie, gave Adam an A+, for "Adam." Get it? Kara, who seems to deliver all her positive comments with a passion almost indistinguishable from anger, was also impressed. So, if you were watching with the sound turned down, we assure you — she was not pissed. Paula and Adam clearly share a special secret mutual admiration society and probably wear each other's jewelry & stuff, so anything she has to say tonight is like, whatever; although she was the first to use the T word (theatrical), meaning it as a compliment, we think. Simon also used it, but in a not-so-complimentary way. And yes it was…Theatre. Not saying that is a good or a bad thing.

Kris Allen was back at the piano with one of his many standout choices from this season Ain't No Sunshine. There were a couple of others which he was rumored to have up his sleeve, including Falling Slowly, and last week's Heartless. But this song gave him the opportunity to emote in his Way, then build up to a fever pitch, then break it back down, all of which he did with his signature original phrasing at every turn. Randy felt it was one of his best EVER, Kara loved it with her quasi-angry Albanian passion, Swami Abdul offered a Gibran nugget or two about awakenings in all of us, and Simon was sneakily complimentary. Last week he didn't think Kris should have won and come to the finals — but now he wants to take it all back! We don't trust this - we know he still wants Adam to win. He's only throwing Kris this one crumb in Round 1 so no one can say he was slamdunking Adam with praise for the rest of the show. Kris — do not eat the apple Simon left in your dressing room!

At Ryan's gunpoint, Simon gives Round One to Kris.

Round Two: Fuller's Choice

Change Is Gonna Come is a great song (as RJ points out, a Sam Cooke soul classic), and a perfect illustration that Adam Lambert is not a naturally soulful singer, and therefore, not a natural rock singer. Sure, he hit all the notes, but he approached the challenge of singing this song as an actor to a role. And so, he sang it exactly how he imagined a person who had soul would sing it. Pretty good acting, good hitting of big notes, including the last one — his vocal coach would probably be proud. But with Adam, R&B may as well stand for "Robin & Batman." And this is where the judges' pro-Adam Agenda kicks in. Randy said that Adam could sing his face off. Kara 'angrily' explained that this was Adam's best. EVER! DAMMIT! Paula stood up, which we assumed helped her get a handle on her near-miss self-wetting, did some Laker cheers & Arsenio hand circles and proclaimed that the Messiah has returned to Earth, and He has never sounded so good. Simon said "Don't worry, Adam, I've got your back, and the key to your 2009 Fusion Hybrid is in my back pocket. Come and get it."

Wut's this? Katie Holmes & Suri in da house!?

Yes, Kris Allen can indeed sing the hell out of his Fuller selection — 1971's What's Going On?, a groovy R&B/pop song about how the world is going to Hades in a handbasket, a detail we bet was lost on Mr. Fuller. This song actually fits into our anti-Kris conspiracy theory — it may have been chosen to sabotage Kris, the idea being that tackling iconic Marvin Gaye is certain contestant suicide. But not so with our little Arkansas buddy, who mellow-rocked the song & made it golden, self-accompanied by accoustic guitar along with that 2-man percussion joint — box drum and conga. But before we tuck ourselves in and turn out our lights, happy in the knowledge that Kris turned in another stellar performance, let's hear from the Restrained-Praise Four: RJ: "A little lite 4-me." KD: "Good choice, Simon Fuller, who signs my paycheck." PA: "Made me proud. And…here come Cowell's true colors: "Like 3 friends in their bedroom trying to strum a Marvin Gaye song." Simon hasn't gotten the memo that there are many who would choose the "live from the bedroom jam" groove over, say, Leona Lewis or Il Divo. But, so…surprise — he calls round two for Adam.

Round Three: The Crap Song

Okay, I forgot what they're officially calling this round, but most refer to the song custom-written for the winner's first single [& sing-out] as "the coronation song." This one, No Boundaries was co-written by judge Kara DioGuardi along with Cathy Dennis and Mitch Allan. Two random observations I noted during Glambert's unsatisfying attempt to deliver this contrived piece of musical mediocrity: 1) Despite a LOT of bombast, there is nothing memorable about this song. Not the melody. Not the forgettable lyrics [although we believe there are some roads that go nowhere, some mountains to climb, but at the end of the day, certainly no boundaries]; and 2) Adam sang lots and lots and lots of flat notes along the way; it was not pretty. But let's hear what our on-script judges had to say. Props first of all to Randy, having a rare, candid on-the-mark moment, for pointing out that the performance was pitchy. Kara would like to thank her mother, her father, Jesus, and Adam for making this moment possible. Thank you. Thank you very much. I believe Paula simply drooled into her Coke cup for 20 seconds, gazing dreamily into Adam's painted eyes. Simon, reprising last week's shameless end-of-show "please vote for Adam" mega-beg, sums tonight up for all of us: you know — we were searching for a worldwide star, and we have found him in Adam. Thanks, everyone, and goodnight. Oh, er, sorry — forgot that Kris hasn't sung yet. And Kara — we hope Nike picks this one up for a Superbowl commercial, lots of footwear is sold, and all your dreams come true.

Musical shite, in the hands of Kris Allen, actually begins to take shape and even almost make sense. One can hear lyrics, and melody, and No Boundaries begins to sound like a radio hit, rather than, say, an off-pitch stream-of-conciousness tone poem, as it did with Adam. Original phrasing makes it even better — Kara should love this, we think(?) But what did our Passive-Agressive Four [a.k.a. Team Adam] have to offer Mr. Allen for his superior version of her opus? Allow us to un-passively paraphrase: Randy: Oh, you poor kid. Let's just admit it — you failed big-time on this one. But you know, you should be proud anyway. Don't feel bad — the song was just wrong for you, even though you can sing, dude. Kara: Please, let us not judge you on the horrible job you did on my song. Let us all try as hard as we can to think back and remember a time when you didn't suck like you just did, and vote with those older, good memories in mind. Paula: Swell, kid. You should be proud, now and forever, for your shining light, which didn't shine as bright that time. Simon: You're a good boy. Now run along…

Thankfully, not all of us listen to those guys. Some of us can sort things out without the assistance of Lambert's Angels — and we must vote our hearts, n'est pas? And you can find our heart in a living room, not a bath house. We can't wait to find out which force triumphed — good… or…evil. Come back and visit us tomorrow for a short post-grand-finale final blog post of the season! In the meantime, any thoughts?

Three 4-Me, 4-You, Sing Two; Homeboys in the Home Stretch

2009-05-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

At long last, our Season 8 final three competitors take the stage: Tatiana Del Toro, Normund Gentle and Von Smith……Oh —no…wait, sorry — that was the nightmare I had last night. Apologies!

Our weary, yet still very competitive musical musketeers stand in the spotlight behind Ryan, looking as lonesome as wayward props randomly strewn about the stage of an abandoned small-town theatre. Three amigos. Three coins in the fountain of talent and fortune, some shinier than others, some dorkier than others, some more fond of Cher and mascara than others, but each here to show America why he should be the next …[Seacrest pregnant pause here]…American Idol. And that's just about as poetic and evocative as we plan to get here tonight. Talk about pressure! And were our judges just a little on edge or what? They seemed poised to strangle each other at the drop of a hat, except for Paula & Simon, who just seemed to be waiting for the show to end so they could get a room. It is homecoming week for the top 3 guys, yet the footage of their respective trips back home will be saved for tomorrow night. It is the traditional end-of-season 2-Song Night -- one song hand-chosen by a judge; one song chosen by the contestant for himself. Let's go take our seats…

JUDGES' CHOICE ROUND

Danny Gokey - Paula threw Terrance Trent D'Arby's Dance Little Sister onto the Smirkinator's plate. This one (in Danny's strategic opinion) called for cranking up the shouty growly factor, to achieve maximum shouty-growliness. For added spice, and coolness, the Goke thought, a little one-on-one with the sax-man with a liberal dose of "dit dit doo doo dit doo dit doo-ing" would certainly be in order. And while we're on the topic, we forgot to mention Danny's "shoo-boppitybop" thrown into Dream On last week, just before the Toxic Scream heard 'round the world. We're still deducting points for both. Tonight, Randy found the cumulative effect to be quite dope, 4-him. Kara dissed Danny's dancing, giving Paula the opportunity to finally pull some rank with "Well…I am a choreographer, and I say "…you did real good." You tell that be-yotch, Paula. Simon was elusive. He still thinks he wants Danny in the finals with Adam more than he wants Kris, but in his heart still has the good taste to generally disdain Danny, as we all do; so he has a REALLY hard time saying positive things about him. So, Simon was non-committal on this Gokey joint.

According to the rules of tonight's game, Randy must be combined with Kara, in order to equal one brain — to choose a song for Kris Allen. The song - One Republic's painfully boring Apologize. We have a conspiracy theory regarding this choice, which basically says that a crappy song choice was made to intentionally throw Kris under the bus. We knew it, you knew it, and Kris definitely knew it and was pissed off about it. Why else would he sleepwalk through a performance on such an important night, when he is known for taking any song and personalizing it — and making it better? He was clearly throwing up his hands in disgust, and surrendering. "I ain't even playin,' he seemed to be saying. A sad thing to watch, though the vocal wasn't bad at all. Props to Simon [a surprise] for pointing out that this was all Randy & Kara's fault. They said it was "a big song." They lied. It was a small song, handed to a big singer.

"There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all."

Are you one of those people who are amazed by Mariah Carey's incredible range? That she can sing 3 octaves above dog-hearing? And yet otherwise, you find her useless? Well, have we got an American Idol contestant for you! Okay, bravo, Simon— you got Saint Bono's permission for Adam Lambert to sing U2's One. Kara got this one right. "You are such a strategist!" Adam pulled the usual tricks out of his bag, the pseudo-emotional ballad-y beginning, the segue into the pseudo-rock build-up, and finally, the controlled screeching which tells you that he rocks, because otherwise you would not know that he does, because he doesn't. Cheers to Randy (for once) for criticizing Adam's going "off-melody," while the other three jesters had nothing better to do than to prop up the one contestant who needs no propping up. Adam fans (and his parents in the audience) were no doubt charmed. But if this rocked, why were we so bored?

Okay, so listen up everyone for an important message. A very white, very blond, very affluent chick with well-fitting stonewashed jeans visited a very poor place in Africa and handed out mosquito nets. And now, back to our show.

CONTESTANTS' CHOICE ROUND

We think Danny was quite proud (as he is wont to be) of his choice You Are So Beautiful, the Billy Preston-penned classic made most famous by Joe Cocker. Not a bad pick, but really — Cocker nailed and defined exactly what Gokey was going for here — a kind of heart-on-the-sleeve emotionally stripped-bare heart-wrencher. So, in our opinion, the bar was set rather high by the original [yes, like one of those Whitney things the girls always tackle]. Did he do a fantastic job? Well, he didn't muck it up, which is to his credit. Side theory: Danny pulled a Debbie Boone here. Debbie of course, was a strong Christian who became famous for her one big hit You Light Up My Life, lyrically enigmatic enough to appeal to a secular audience, and yet also reportedly quite a personal statement of religious faith. And so we think You Are So Beautiful was for Dorkey -- a move to be religiously enigmatic in that regard, and appeal to both of his audiences (we think). Smart, really. The judges all followed their Gokey-Lambert finale scripts and praised the performance to the heavens. Simon even called this one a "vocal master class."

We don't have a lot to say about Kris Allen, alone in the bright spotlight with acoustic, bravely putting his own very appealing spin on Kanye West's Heartless, redefining Kara's favorite word "artistry." Credible as hell, and incredible as well. Now, this is what we're talking about. This is a man who should go to the finals; at this moment, we have no doubt that he should. Put this performance up against Adam's One, if you like, note for note, emotion for emotion, phrase for phrase — Kris Allen deserves the Idol crown every bit as much as Broadway, or Smirky. If there were a Special Season Award for originality (and bravery?), Kris Allen might deserve that too, more than say, a guy who still leans on the tricks he learned singing Brigadoon in community theatre. Best of all, Simon Cowell, who (as we mentioned) still apparently on the fence with Danny as a finalist, seemed to be enthusiastically joining Team Kris after this turn of events. It's getting interesting…

And it's getting late, people. Not only in the night, but in the Season. There is no more time to mince words or attempts at openmindedness — our opinions will not please everyone. And speaking of mincing, will Adam Lambert be in the finals? Of course. Will he win? Our 8-ball says "signs point to yes," but…our 8-ball has been acting a little wacky of late. But, hey — how good is Adam, anyway? How deserving is he? Since you asked…it's like this. Adam is the guy sent down from Central Casting to play the rocker dude in a new Broadway rock musical about a rocker dude. I mean, look at the guy. He's singing Aerosmith's Cryin' in a black t-shirt with silver sequins spellng out "R-O-C-K" on his chest. He perfectly looks the part. He has that iconic thing going — straight outta the box. His piercing blue eyes are to die for. And his range? Give me a break! As Kara said tonight "Who hits those notes?" Perhaps the appropriate question is "Who wants to listen to them?" But we have never heard an actual music fan talking about his favorite music and saying "I love the technical vocal ability that allows him to scream with such accuracy!" Music fans like music when it is good music; when it feels good — not necessarily when the singer looks a certain way or power-screeches in what amounts to an impressive array of vocal parlour tricks. We like rock — we just don't feel this passes for rock, or listenable talent. That about sums it up for us. Adam = parlour trick(s). Successful recording artist? We seriously doubt it. Vegas mega-star? Sure — the sky is the limit. Frequent flyer miles apply (or whatever you said, Paula).

We hope you power-voted tonight, as we did (first time this Season). and, may the least Gokeyish guy win.

Final Four: Pet Rocks; Whole Lotta Adam

2009-05-05T23:33:00.000-07:00

Four. Count 'em —no thumbs are necessary. Just 4 remaining contestants compete tonight within the confines of a Rock theme, one which would ostensibly seem to favor Adam Glam-Bambam-bert and Allison ("Total Eclipse of the Personality") Ireheta. We suspect in advance that the Gokester's approach to rock n' roll might be similar to Season 3's John Stevens in his approach to Latin Week — like a dork-fish out of water. As for Kris Allen, we have come to believe he can be depended on to bring it (in one form or another), no matter the theme. But did any of this ultimately occur? We shall see, as we try not to be distracted by sundry Idol news items of the week —David Cook's brother's death from cancer; Paula's admission to a 7-year prescription drug addiction; Simon's possible impending departure, and Constantine Maroulis' Tony nomination for Best Actor in A Musical (for Rock of Ages).

Then there was the matter of the massive on-stage logo tower which tumbled before the show, cancelling the dress rehearsals. Uh-oh.

And did we mention there will be 6 songs tonight? 4 people; 6 songs. There is some math to be done. And we would be remiss if we didn't mention that Kara DioGuardi looked exactly like a 38-year-old woman at a rock-themed sororiety reunion party, in costume — dressed as her idea of a rocker chick. "Uh, would somebody please fix another pitcher of cosmopolitans — stat?"

Tonight's Rock Week musical mentor is…legend-in-his-own-mind…guitar abuser Slash, who despite the fact that he's somewhat of a ridiculous self-parody, displayed a notable spirit of kindness & generosity to our final 4. Yet, we are not exactly holding up our lighters here. With apologies to Mike Myers [& Linda Richman], we give you a topic: "Classic rock by Guns and Roses was neither classic nor did it rock. Discuss." Such bands from this unfortunate generation of "rockers" who aspired to the whole "sex, drugs, and rock n' roll" thing — only bothered to master the first two, as well as numerous cigarette & hat tricks. There is a good reason why so many very popular bands from this period have never been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, including G&R. And such, Mr. Slash, is your lot. In our humble opinion, that is.

But enough Slash slashing…let's do the time warp again! For those about to rock…

Adam Lambert, Superstar, do you think you're/ what they say you are? Don't you get me wrong — I only wanna know.

Led Zeppelin's Whole Lotta Love is absolutely seminal. No commercial radio hit before its release in 1969 sounded remotely like it — the unique sound of Robert Plant's over-the-top, sex-infused tenor howl, and that crazy jacked-up rhythm. It inspired and launched an entire generation of hard rockers and metalheads. Wow —this song is 40 years old, and it holds up. It was a natural choice for Adam, although it was his "Whitney moment" — and by that we mean, the song is so big and iconic, it could have been too risky to tackle on the show unless he could lock it up. But really, how could he miss? He already sounded more like early Zeppelin than anyone else we can think of; in fact, we sort of predicted this song for him tonight. Did he pull it off? The 4 judges showed every inch of their collective love for this performance, and rightly so. The fact that Lambert listened to Slash's advice and kept his high-register histrionics in check is what saved the performance for us.

Allison Ireheta looked cute in her new coiffure and svelte black leather top & pant outfit. Janis Joplin's Cry Baby would seemed to have been the ticket, a suitable blues-based rock anthem with not a lot of range, but with sufficient room for El Niña to demonstrate her particular rock chica skills. We liked her decision to cover Joplin, but agree with Kara that Piece of My Heart might have given her a little more to work with. But we were also impressed that Allison said she had considered and rejected "Piece" because it had been done to death already. Simon summarized Allison's performance best by praising the vocal but characterizing it as an unoriginal rendition. The phrasing was —we also felt, not far off the original. Simon would have had her do Queen. We just wonder why she confined her song choice strategy to girl songs.

The first contestant duet in American Idol competition history hit the stage next, with very little fanfare. Kris Allen joined Danny Gokey for a somewhat pedestrian cover of Renegade. We'll ignore our feelings that the band Styx and this song are highly over-rated, and just listened for the potential magic. Danny began the song looking somewhat unconfident, but soon rose to the occasion with increasing energy & volume. The harmonies were on the mark, at least at first. Kris sing on pitch throughout, but didn't seem to have his heart in it, and sort of got lost in the bigness of the arrangement and the whole Gokey Growl thing. In other words, as if the song weren't bad enough, he had Smirkenstein to deal with. And although we were rooting for KA to pull this off, Simon was probably right in saying Danny was the better of the two.

We felt a little better when Kris' solo turn immediately followed, because (first of all) he showed his usual good taste in choosing Come Together, a vintage Lennon song (and a fave of ours) that definitely rocks — classic Beatles; and that can't be bad, right? He even played guitar, and put his own spin on the phrasing here and there. Once again, we wanted Kris to prevail, but (as all 4 judges pointed out) this is just not his genre, which is sort of unfair to him at this point in the game. Not one of his best moments this season, but much better than eating ice for lunch, in reference to one of Cowell's more insane critique similes. And to add insult to injury, Simon also pointed out that this didn't top Adam. Na na na na na.

Slash was correct in his observation that the audience would be waiting to see how Gokey will handle the screamy part at the end of Aerosmith's Dream On. It was risky — a possible make-or-break moment for this performance. Naturally (we learn from his post-critique comments), that Danny thought he nailed it, and I don't believe the rest of us did. But he managed to feign enough humility to suggest that he needed to watch the tape just to be sure he was right. But forget the screamy last part — the rest of this performance was noticably pitchy. You are no Steven Tyler, Smirk-man. And can anyone explain the appeal of this song to us, anyway? You certainly can't sing it in the shower. You know, 'longevity' and 'legendary' are not synonyms. Unless you're Keith Richards. Are you listening, Mr. Slash? Once again, Cowell offered an unconstructive and unnecessary negative comparison to Adam, and wished aloud "you're safe." Note: Danny Gokey has not once appeared in the bottom three.

Oh, lookie — it's the two shiniest objects on Season 8 American Idol, Allison & Adam — in their matching rock n' roll hair-do's. Ain't they cute? Adam agreed to this duet after his initial refusal, only after the producers rephrased the proposal from its original intimidating "Adam, we'd like to see you perform with a young woman." All humor aside, this charismatic pair eased into Foghat's classic Slow RIde, and slowly rode it and suitably (though not terribly excitingly) rocked it, appearing to Randy as "seasoned rock stars," to Kara as "rock god and rock goddess," to Paula as "a perfect blend/marriage," and to Simon as Allison's chance of staying in the competition, courtesy of Adam (and he's right). Why, those two should record a duet, we are all thinking, right?

Well, someone has to go home, like it or not. Based on tonight alone, things are not looking good for the pride of Conway, Arkansas, Kris Allen. But those darned voters work in mysterious ways…

Top 5 render Rat Pack ring-a-ding……Cowell on crack — sells soul & 8 years of credibility for finale-based agenda

2009-04-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

There are 5 remaining contestants: all are good; all want to win. So there is a palpable sense of drama and competitiveness in the air tonight with (as Ryan reminds us) the finale…just 3 weeks away. Along with our remaining five, we are in suspense about tonight's "mystery mentor" for the theme of the week "Standards From The Rat Pack Era." We are treated to a 20-minute infomercial about how amazingly talented and versatile beady-eyed comedian Jamie Foxx is, but are never clued in as to why he has Thing One to do with the Rat Pack, or really, music in general. That part remains a mystery. Perhaps he will explain to them how to sing through a vocoder, for that trendy robotic sound.

Some of us do know the who, what and wherefore of the legendary Rat Pack, but it's all moot, really — the rest of only need to know that the producers see at least one of these contenders as a potential Michael Bublé or some such croony hybrid — in other words, this is clearly a profit-driven theme, designed to whet America's appetite for more standards potentially presented by one of these cool young cats. As in "let's throw this theme at the contestants and see if it sticks to any of them, so we can start lining up the songs for that first album — um, especially Matt Giraud," because his name is French, like Bublé. Please allow Idol Savant some cynicism here — there is potentially much more to come. Tonight's subplot is this: Simon is hell-bent on lining up his dream finale duo, sanity or personal credibility be damned. It would seem to be a given that Adam will be one of the two. We all have opinions on who will capture the other slot, do we not? In the meantime, come fly with us…

Resident cutie-pie, unofficial dark horse & ever-expanding contender Kris Allen looked 60s Vegas resplendent in a sharp gray suit with skinny lapels & skinny tie. Kris' spot-on song selection accumen has seldom failed, and tonight was no exception — The Way You Look Tonight is one of the best songs ever written and one our own personal favorites. Mr. Foxx was way enamoured with Kris and is ready to make a record with him; meanwhile, we are nearly inclined to buy such a record sans Jamie), if we bought records, that is. It was smooth; suave; it was jam-packed with all that stuff that Kara said: phrasing; rhythms; diction; perfection. In fact, judges 1 through 3 were on the money — this was KA at his best. Simon, on the other hand, had gotten into Paula's medicine cabinet. Although Kris could not have been better if he had sung the song standing on a blackjack table in Dean Martin's pajamas, Simon called the performance 'wet' and 'like taking a spaniel for a walk," something that made zero sense neither in nor out of context. If Paula had said that, she would have been laughed off the show; so we found it a tremendous challenge to not change the channel at this juncture. On this point, we found Simon transparently dishonest and clearly wrong, to a nearly evil degree. Offense #1.

Like Kris, Allison Ireheta chose one of our personal favorite standards — the Gershwins' Someone To Watch Over Me. There is a very famous early-Sinatra rendition, but really — let's face it — this is a woman's song, and in tonight's case, a just-turned-17-year-old girl's song. Although our love for Allison has dwindled in recent weeks, we felt that absolutely everything about this performance worked, and beautifully. The rasp that is so well suited to rock seemed to morph into a smokey quality which allowed her to personalize the number in jazzy fashion, while maintaining its built-in tenderness & emotion — and melody. So Allison was pitch-perfect tonight: something we and judges 1-3 agreed on completely. Crackhead Cowell inexplicably decided to discard eight years of critical credibility by expressing another clearly fictitious statement — that Allison would be in trouble after this performance(?) and that it was a "7 out of 10." We know that is far from true, Simon knew it was not true, and we think the viewers know it is not true. Offense #2. Kara and Paula are beginning to make Simon look like David Hasselhoff; Randy is actually beginning to sound coherent.

When we heard of Matt Giraud's decision to tackle My Funny Valentine, we had no doubt he was in trouble. Is this a great song? Yes. It is a classic American standard? Yes. Is this a good song choice for American Idol? No way. This is not only not a singer's song, it is barely a song lover's song — it is more of a jazz lover's song; indeed — perhaps more of an abstract tone-poem than a song. As songs go, the melody is absolutely unique and absolutely weird. If you have the chops to sing this song, then…more power to you. But if you just happen to like it and haplessly (like Matt) want to give it a go, you may be doomed. But even if you did have the chops, this song would not & could not slay an audience of American Idol fans. But enough about what a horrible song choice it was. This was arguably Matt's worst performance of the season. The entire first half of the song was off-pitch. Sure, he managed to sneak in a slick run or two, but — uh, no dice, Matt. The roulette wheel of elimination should rightly stop on Mr. Giraud this week. Simon Cowell Offense #3: Once again taking the mantle of the Insane Big Fat Liar, Cowell spoke the incredible words "The was the only believable, authentic song I've heard tonight. Absolutely brilliant." Wrong, wrong, wrong. Not brilliant, not great, not even good. Liar, liar, pants on fire. We do not merely disagree with Simon, we hate him, forever. For selling his soul. It all makes sense now - Matt's prominence in the last 2 group songs and Ford commercial. It's called grooming, and now it's all about to blow up in Simon's face. Oh what a tangled web we weave…

Speaking of faces, Jamie Foxx wanted to get all up in Danny Gokey's face, perhaps to try to wipe that smirk off [it didn't work], and informed Danny that he needn't worry, because "your breath is fresh." Our television did not register Danny's breath, but his rendition of Come Rain Or Come Shine was also pretty fresh, delivered with his signature power-rasp and Gokey dork-swagger. Uh, what's up with Cowell now? This time he agrees with the other three — Danny was stellar; outstanding; smashing. Whatever.

Manifestly finale-destined Adam Lambert may have taken a big step forward on last week's show, but we have a hunch that this week he may have backtracked by two. Dressed in a Broadway white suit (more stage costume than rat pack couture), he descended the scarlet staircase grandly and anti-climatically, to the finger-poppin' strains of Feelin' Good, a song that has been sung on the Idol stage a few times before and was made immortal by Nina Simone. Lock up your dogs, fans, it looks like we're in for a high-decibel storm of mock-rock theatricality. This was all really just OK. Has success gone to Adam's head? No, he's always been this gimmicky. Randy managed to hate everything about this, but in summary, loved it ("A little too theatrical, a little too Broadway, a little too dramatic; but GREAT!"). Kara was aflutter with schoolgirl emotion ("it was so confusing; so sleazy; so superb!!!"). Paula waxed Olympic ("you make me feel better than good, like Michael Phelps!"). Simon liked Adam's "showmanship," which is a backhanded compliment if we ever heard one. One compliments P.T. Barnum or Ryan Seacrest for showmanship. But then, who really cares what Simon has to say?

In our finale-projection summary, everyone appears to agree that Adam is in. Simon wants Matt or Danny in the other slot — is that clear, voting public? Matt or Danny [Kris Allen is WET, and the chica is dismissable]. The other three judges seem open to any other finale scenario. Damn the evil Dr. Cowell - we are looking for the more deserving Kris or Allison in that slot. Given Matt's bottom 3 history, we see this as his last week.

How about you? What are your thoughts?

Top 7 Redux Under the Disco Ball: It's Adam's World…We're All Just Living In It.

2009-04-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

Welcome to ~~Adam~~ American Idol Season 8, the Top 7 Redux: a.k.a. Disco Low-Grade Fever Week; a.k.a. double-elimination week; a.k.a. The Adam Lambert Show. In typical Seacrest melodramatic fashion, the show opens with Ryan's warning that "This time, no one will be saved(!)," referring to last week's long-awaited employment of the over-hyped Judges' Save, used to grant Matt Giraud one more week, if not one more actual chance. According to our mysterious and not-always-accurate sources, the Disco theme was conjured at the 11th hour after a scheduled celebrity mentor cancelled. And while we feel that disco is one of the least redeemable genres imaginable, the evening was somewhat salvaged by more than a few original arrangements and performances.

If one were inclined to give Lil Rounds any benefit of the doubt at this point (and who actually would?), one could speculate that tonight's theme just might work in her favor, and if she managed to show good song selection judgement (but why would she do a thing like that?), she could get herself back in the game. But the arrangement of Chaka Khan's I'm Every Woman was status quo, and so was Lil's vocal, if we define her vocal status quo as mediocre. In fact, the background singers pretty much owned this song tonight. And am I wrong, but did she stand in front of Simon and shake her booty in his face for about 15 seconds at one point? If so, the ploy failed as badly as the whole boring mess, because Cowell was "absolutely convinced…this is the last week for you." Odds are good that he's right.

How will the road to the Season 8 success be paved? According to Kris Allen's regularly deployed bag of magic tricks, it could possibly occur with more of a musical whimper than a bang, and by that we mean softly, deliberately, intelligently — strumming arrangements and vocals that shine brightly, and all while wearing a white Fruit-of-the-Loom t-shirt. Kris pulled out another one of those rabbits fonight, applying a Long Train Running percussive groove to Donna Summer's She Works Hard For The Money, producing another small sleight-of-hand miracle. Having said all that, we don't feel it was one of his best of the season — but we always give him props for taking risks, being original, and being cool enough to imagine and pull off these sorts of things. The kid stays in the picture.

We're feeling inclined to throw Danny "Smirklestilskin" Gokey a few bones this week (and ease off on our usual brow beating). Earth, Wind and Fire's September, was the right song; Danny worked the stage; he sang it about as well as anyone could. Randy and Kara had been worried for him (navigating the treacherous disco waters), but they felt that he worked it out. No doubt Gokey has a big future in Christian Comtemporary music (his actual calling), if he can only shake Paula's branding his voice as "one of the sexiest around." Simon's critique reeked of agenda — he either wants Danny in the bottom 3, or just plain gone. Weird — after agreeing with the other judges' positive comments, he made a point of saying the performance had no star quality and was awkward & clumsy. We found it smirky, but we're feeling a tad more generous this week -- not sure what's up with Cowell.

Allison Ireheta took on Donna Summer's Hot Stuff, a song that might have taken Scott MacIntyre all the way to the top had he gotten a chance to do it, bless his heart. Seated on a scarlet stairway, bedecked in black leather and sequiny silver, Alli began in slow, torchy fashion, then [naturally] kicking up to a Benetar-esque rock-out after the first measure. This was Allison in her rock element, singing a song she could nicely pin her righteous rasp on, and yet…it did not slay us to the degree it should/could have. Randy and Kara didn't like the arrangement, but did like the vocal, as Paula did. 'Keep-Allison-In' agenda-driven Cowell informs us that she came into this week as an underdog, but that this was a brilliant performance. Huh? In other words, people — our precious Save is gone, so please don't send her home yet.

Adam Lambert had an off-night on last week's show, or so we felt. This hasn't stopped us from joining the ever-growing ranks of pop culture pundits who feel that we are all simply crossing days off the calendar until Adam's inevitable Season 8 victory. Indeed, following a Lambert feature story in last week's New York Times, and one in the NY Post which revealed that his nickname is "Apple Pie," his fellow contestants must feel at this point that this is Adam's living room, and they are merely the furniture and accessories. The weird thing is, tonight is proof of it. Turning in a heart-wrenching ballad cover of the decidedly non-ballad If I Can't Have You is likely to not only cement his fate as the next American Idol, but to go on record as one of the best and most memorable performances of this season. The finely sung [mostly in falsetto] frosted mini-opera made Paula [and presumably, angels] weep — Simon rightly call it "memorable" and the vocals "immaculate." Depite containing one momentary brush with his screamy dark side, we're calling this one Lambert's best yet. [Note: Simon may(?) have implied that this was another Donna Summer song, but in fact it was sung by Yvonne Elliman and written by the Brothers Gibb for Saturday Night Fever.]

Stayin' Alive, indeed, Matt Giraud (in this thankless slot)…that would be the question of the week, if it were one. So, riddle us this: Can you cheat the odds and stay alive tomorrow night, and avoid being one of the departing two? Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother, you might have chosen a song that would have guaranteed success, instead. But this one? Not vocal showcase material, and there was nothing new going on with the arrangement. Besides, the Bee Gee falsettos are one of the things that made the original work as well as it did. Randy's new way to avoid getting booed by being obviously negative: praising the singer's general vocal ability while damning everything else. 'Hated the song and the arrangement, but oh - you really can sing, dude!' In one of the more entertaining Abdul-isms, we learn that Matt's song selection skills are analagous to Paula's bowling skills — and this one was a strike(?). While not exactly a gutter ball, it may have been more of a spare; we're not sure that it will be up America's alley.

Looking dapper in a light gray suit with a pink tie and pink v-neck sweater, Anoop Desai took tonight's coveted pimp spot and began Donna Summer's Dim All The Lights (nice choice) with a rather pleasing ballad-style opening. The arrangement took a bump up to mid-tempo but never really achieved disco-level intensity. We did not dislike this performance at all (except for a very weak last note), and neither did the first 3 judges. Once again, Simon wore his go-home agenda on his sleeve, clearly working to get Anoop off the show this week. Perhaps this is Anoop's time… but really, Simon -- his "worst performance ever?" Not so much.

Lil Rounds…and…who else will go home this week? Barring any insane surprises, it may have to come down to another Matt & Anoop struggle to stay alive. Talk about your déja vous. Your thoughts?

Surviving Seven Serve Soporific Songs of Cinema, Sans Selection Savvy

2009-04-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

Last week's departure of vision- & choreography-challenged Scott MacIntyre makes our surviving Top 7 contestants seem an increasingly vanilla bunch, as if they are wandering around aimlessly looking for someone to offer their elbows to. Are we getting just a little bit bored yet with this lot? With last week's Idol Savant having declared Drama King Adam Lambert the best joint in the joint, things must be looking just a bit musically slim in Idol-Land. So what have we got on hand this week to hold the other eye open, besides this here toothpick? First off, we've got beady-eyed lantern-jawed film guy wanna-be musical director Quentin Tarantino in the house as contestant mentor, on Music From The Movies theme night. And it looks like he brought fellow goodfella audience-member Little Steven Van Zandt along for the ride. As guest judge in Season 3, QT proved that he'd just as soon blow your brains out as say something positive about your vocal ability. So, with a jackbooted Uma Thurman hiding in the wings with Uzi in hand, our contestants go to the movies, with our judges [first time ever] weighing in two-by-two. Pass the popcorn, please:

Ay-yi-yi, little Allison Ireheta and her love for the milquetoast mainstream! What can we do with this niña? First of all, Aerosmith's I Don't Want To Miss A Thing [from "Armageddon"] is according to Simon Cowell [quoted from Season 7] "one of the great songs of all time," and according to Idol Savant "one of the most over-rated, middle-of-the-road, boring, crappy songs of all time." I don't care if that dude's genetic material help create Liv Tyler or not — the song sucks. Secondly, the performance stank up the house. Joined-at-the-hip judging team Paula & Simon had inexplicably pre-decided to love what turned out to be Allison's worst performance of the season. And so they did, and so it was. Simon even dissed Lil Rounds (who obviously hasn't sung yet) by saying Allison was the last hope for this year's girls. This dookie-ish song was also brought to the Idol stage by Josh Gracin, Antonella Barba and David Cook [by judges' request], and may it never be sung again, anywhere, by anyone. The whole thing just made us mad.

Like Quentin, we were not thrilled to hear of Anoop Desai's decision to sing another crappy pansy over-rated love ballad Everything I do, I Do It For You written by hack-master Diane Warren and made famous by the crappy over-rated pansy-butt balladeer Bryan Adams and nominated for an Oscar for the immortal unforgettable legendary film "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves." Tarrantino advised our preppy friend to growl it up. Now Quentin, if you really are a fan of this show, you know that Anoop Desai can do a lot of things, but growl is not one of them. He can however, provide a controlled, skillful and emotionally-connected vocal that can and actually did improve on the Bryan Adams version. And no growling was involved. Randy loved it, and Kara, having a Corey Clark moment, melted all over her seat about it. Somehow, Anoop has pulled it off again.

Good thing that we (like Tarantino) don't pull punches — Adam Lambert may be on the road to the Idol Crown and may be the most interesting contestant left in the game, but we don't mind at all pointing out how amazingly abysmal he was tonight. Was Steppenwolf's Born To Be Wild from "Easy Rider" a good choice for him? Of course. Does the song rock relentlessly? Yes. Was the arrangement exciting & compelling? Yes. Does Adam look good in black? Oh, yeah. So much for all the good news. Was one note in pitch? No. Could it have worked without the all-forgiving reverb on the vocal? No. Did the signature banshee delivery help the song? No. Did Adam succeed again in being a big Broadway fish in an Off-Broadway goldfish bowl? Absolutely. Have all the insects & rodents left the building now? We think so. Paula had some of her scripted quotations of wisdom on hand. She pointed out that Adam "dared to dance in the path of greatness" and that "following that path rewards the great." Simon, providing further evidence of his mysterious possible entanglement with Ms. Abdul, has gone uncharacteristally nice again, and searched for positive uplifting comments. The worst he could say was that it reminded him of "Rocky Horror Picture Show"; and while that was not a scathing remark, was really his polite way of saying "that was way gay," and that he just liked last week better. Nice, Simon.

Bryan Adams' [ugh] Have you Ever Really Loved a Woman? from "Don Juan De Marcos," having been previously rejected by Adam Lambert due to the absurdity of the lyrics, was chosen by Matt Giraud. Matt had the misfortune of having Randy and Kara judge his performance, and Idol Savant happens to take issue with their review of his performance tonight. Matt was in very good form at the grand piano, fronting the orchestra in white shirt, black tie and black vest, seeming to be more in his element here than in most previous weeks. We enjoyed the tasty vocal runs and falsetto bits, which both Randy & KD felt were excessive. We would almost describe this as a pop country soul arrangement, and an original vocal spin on Matt's part; so, we don't think he got a fair shake from Dawg & My Little Surplus Pony.

For once we are happy to not have to tear down Danny Gokey for his personal smarminess. Tonight we relax, and just diss him based on his performance alone. Sure, we (like QT) acknowledge and appreciate Gokey's genuine vocal talents which he has brought to the stage consistently. But here comes yet another middle-of-the-road, over-covered boring Lionel Ritchie ballad, Endless Love, sung sans his signature spectacles, with harp accompaniment. As with last week, we are thinking "of all the hundreds of songs you could have chosen… Endless freakin' Love was your big strategic move"? That's kind of sad. Have you never been to the movies, Danny? More to the point, this was Danny's first foray in to pitchiness land, where he stayed lodged until he could start socking his way out with the latter power notes. Paula somehow found…you know…magical-ness in all this, and the new Paula-whipped Cowell badly wanted to slam the whole thing, but wound up saying "I could tell how much the song meant to you, so God Bless your little soul, Danny."

Who is this man, and what has he done with Simon Cowell?

Funny how the unassuming, lop-sided cutie Kris Allen can sneak up on a person, week after week. Here we are, cursing the darkness of Idol's "Songs From The Movies" night, the sea of Bryan Adams / Lionel Ritchie poop-osity, when along comes one of the most achingly beautiful songs to emerge from cinema in recent memory - Falling Slowly from the moving low-budget film "Once." This is the showcase duet — the actual theme song — from a touching film filled with touching songs, all performed by Irishman Glen Hansard and Czech Marketa Irglova. For the brilliance of this song choice alone, we give this entire night, without reservation, to Kris Allen. From a pure vocal standpoint, this may not have been Kris' best — but we agree with Kara, something about this made it one our favorite performances by him of the season. Bravo, boy-from-Arkansas with better taste than the lot of 'em. Video montage from the film below. Music-lovers, see this movie:

Why were we not terribly surprised to learn that Lil Rounds would maintain her boring, losing form and join the rest of this ridiculous crew (Kris Allen excepted) in presuming that songs from movies had to be trite and soporific. And not surprised that she'd choose such a perfect example of such a song as The Rose from the Bette Midler movie of the same name. And that her voice would waiver, weakly, as if she couldn't commit to it (as QT pointed out) until the gospel-ly second half? One must, at last, conclude, from the ungodly pitchy mess that she dared to bring to the stage, including one of the weakest final notes in Idol history, that she just doesn't want this. Lil wants to go home. She wants to be home with her children; she wants her life back! Tonight proved that she doesn't care about winning. She did however, care enough to release a little pent-up anger in response to Simon's painfully honest negative critique. Too little, too late, and for naught. We really don't get it — so much promise early on, so unfulfilled. Buh-bye, Lil.

We are rather under-thrilled with this week's excuse for a show. We think it ought to be Lil's week to go. What are your thoughts?

Top 8 Get the Birth Year Blues, and Simon's Mad Love for Adam's Mad World

2009-04-07T23:49:00.000-07:00

Adam's dirty little secret at last revealed…freckles!

Yes, it's that Week of the Season again. You know, the one where we are shown endearing [except for Danny's] baby photos of our remaining 8 contestants, find out what their wee personalities were like back in the day, and hear them sing badly-chosen songs from the respective years they were born. We can wait no longer to relive it all; so with no further ado…

Hi, I'm Danny Gokey. I was born in 1980, and I'm here to rock your world, and to be your next American Idol. I'm singing the Mickey Gilley (?!?) version of Stand By Me. Because you know, even though it's actually from 1961, there really weren't any good songs by anybody in 1980 — everyone knows that — you know, except for the legendary Mickey Gilley catalog. I'm hoping my infectious impish smile will help you forget that in 1999 Stand By Me was officially proclaimed the 4th most performed song in the 20th century and that it has been covered by every known singer on planet earth including Elmo and Charles Manson, and now at last……me! Listen to this slow Whitney intro — at first you're thinking "it's another one of Danny's smooth signature ballads, right? But no — watch me now as I jump it up into a happily manic disco groove-a-thon! You're smiling now 'cause you're digging the groove I'm putting down, and I'm smilin' 'cause I'm just happy to take you there, my friends. Hear me sustain the last word of the song "…meeeeeeeeee." Thank you. Thank you very much. See ya next week!

The problem with picking songs from the year you were born is (we suppose), that you weren't around to know just how mediocre some of them were, and how there were about a million others that were much better than the one you're choosing. And by the way, how did Kris Allen manage to find himself standing in the mosh-pit, surrounded by adoring gyrating hand-waving young female fans? Nice work if you can get it, Mr. Allen. But not such nice work choosing Don Henley's All She Wants To Do Is Dance (1985), and attempting to rescue it from its own misery by faux-jazzing it up. Even the mosh-pit fillies didn't seem to much fancy it. And so, Kris falls slightly out of favor this week with the tribunal four.

Lil Rounds was born in 1984, and once again, failed with a capital F to look beyond the biggest hit record that year by an African American woman singer that she liked, for something truly unique that she could bring the house down with instead. Not that there's anything wrong with Tina Turner or What's Love Got To Do With It — a solid hit from a solid artist. But there was Tina's arrangement, Tina's phrasing, and Tina's shoes, and no Lil in sight. We could almost forgive her yet another karaoke performance, but (as the judges said during 4 painfully quiet critiques), we were hoping she'd bring it this time — and if truth be told, the actual vocal was just fair. Not even the sort that would have wowed them in the Hollywood weeks. We have officially lost faith that Lil Rounds will be staying 'round.

Anoop Desai's segment opens with one of those awkwardly contrived interviews with Ryan, designed to let 'Noop apologize for his uppity hautiness last week (and please do forgive me, everyone), before launching into Cyndi Lauper's True Colors (1986). Now here was a ballad song selection that a singer can sink his teeth into. And 'Noop did so, in a fashion reminiscent of his successful Country Night turn — it was controlled, sweet, evocative, soulful, interpretive. Simon likened Noop's repeated weekly rises and falls to a musical yo-yo, but agreed with the others that this one was nice. So, he's due for another belly-flop next week, we guess. Go Heels!

After tonight's offering from electric guitar-wielding Scott MacIntyre, we can no longer pull punches in our critique of the Top 8's sole sight-challenged contestant. We agree with Mr. Cowell that Survivor's 1985 Search is Over is a horrible song; atrocious and over-boring, and that Scott's 3 strums of the 'awful guitar' did not help matters. This all suggests that although blindness may often sharpen one's sense of hearing, it clearly does nothing for musical taste. But we wish to take it even further than Simon and the other three did as they overstruggled to say mostly positive things about this trainwreck / lead balloon nosedive into earbleed-land. There were no good notes, and plenty of really, really bad ones. Furthermore, we would encourage him to direct his career aspirations [following the Idol Tour] towards a career as wedding singer. People will like him at that, too; and they'll be lots of delicious cake to eat.

Here is our problem with Allison Ireheta's selection of 1992's I Can't Make You Love Me. Like virtually every song she has chosen this season, it is an iconic female top-selling hit. And we are theorizing now that 16-year-old Allison has grown up in a commercial radio vacuum, and has only heard the blockbuster hits one might hear in such a vacuum. We believe she has like 11 songs in her repetoire, and this happened to be one of them. If you rate song selection by suitability to the singer and quality of the song, this was a great choice. But if you rate selection by originality and the thought that went into the choice, it rates very, very low. And we love Bonnie Raitt and her original take. But there's another quibble - Allison's tonal quality was arguably spot-on mimicry of Bonnie's. That's sort of a compliment, but it's another sign of the originality lacking. The voice itself is strong and she did embellish nicely; so in the end, it's all good. Kara wants to go make that hit record. Right now.

Matt Giraud has wisely redux'ed himself to Timber-fake mode, hat, black leather & all, deciding to go with Stevie Wonder's upbeat Part-time Lover from 1985. JT Understudy #1 in da house. The judges were in one of those end-of-show time crunches and each got 3 seconds to spit something out. Randy: 'One of da best of da night;' Kara: 'Incredible on every level;' Paula: '2 words - standing O;' Simon: 'A million times better than last week. Well done.' So they had mad love for Matt tonight; but how was he, really? Matt's vocal runs were ambitious and sometimes impressive, but a bit all over the place — not a total success. And for a singer who is generally a little more controlled and smooth, this bordered occasionally on Gokey-shouty. But this was a smart choice and will definitely keep him in the game.

Well looky here — our show is almost over and Screamy McScreambert hasn't performed yet. Whaddya know? They've saved the pimp spot for him again. First however, Adam Lambert (born a natural blonde in 1982) admits in his segment interview that as a child he hated sports; loved dressing up. Well, hel-lo! I think this is about as close to a thinly veiled American Idol Coming Out party as we're going to get. Then again, Adam actually came out in Season 8 when he chose to sing Cher in Hollywood. But let us take a moment to recall the sad story of Season 2's Vanessa Olivarez, who (rumor has it) was forced off the show because she adamantly refused to deny her gayness. But hey, it's 2009 and a brave new…Mad World. Anyway… surprise — Idol Savant (for the 2nd week in a row) is minimizing the Adam-bashing, mainly because …well, he did not scream in our ears. But we also want the give the boy Top Props for doing what every contestant on this show tonight failed to do, and what 90% of contestants every week and every year fail to do — thinking considerably outside the box on song selection. The song: Mad Love. Now, this is not a completely unknown song — but Adam covered the moody Michael Andrews/Gary Jules version from the soundtrack of Donnie Darko, not the original Tears For Fears version. Yes, it was theatrical, but that means it was ADAM, and in tonight's case, Adam being Adam was enough to inspire a CSO (Cowell standing ovation), the only judge that time allowed to weigh in. The arrangement wasn't original (see the Michel Gondry directed video below), but the choice was primo and the experience could only have been more Lambertesque if marionettes had been dancing beneath falling snowflakes behind him. Adam was Idol Savant's favorite tonight?! Sheesh. We find it kind of funny. We find it kind of sad. Who can forgive us?

Let's hear from everyone else — yes, even you. Would you like to have had marionettes and/or snowflakes with that? Will Scott finally get a well-needed push from America toward his manifest wedding singer destiny? Will Danny's annoyingness ever cease?

Note: this video lasts 10 minutes. But it's good - just watch some.

Top 9 Hit iTunes Candy Store; Cavities Ensue

2009-03-31T23:49:00.000-07:00

A Saver-less Top Nine are back tonight for a special 1 hour & 20 minute homage to the Top Downloads of iTunes, or, "Free-For-All Night." Presumably this theme promises to unshackle our contestants from the constraints of the dodgy weekly themes handed to them by the producers. So, it's sort of "choose anything; and if you choose unwisely, you'll have no alibi." It was a good night for Chadboulet, because he had finally perfected and installed his soon-to-be-patented "Silent Dawg" automatic Randy Jackson TV Audio Muting device, and it worked like a charm. It is so smart — it kicks in at the first "aw-ight now listen listen listen" and unmutes at the last "wut?" Do you think we can sell this technology to Fox? Anyway, if we missed anything Randy may have said tonight that was intelligent or made a lick of sense, please let me know. No? Umm - okay, that's what we thought.

So listen listen listen u know wut's interesting 4me-4U? - Let's just jump right into the mix:

For whatever reason, tonight the judges conspired to try to push Anoop Desai into the bottom 3. He chose to perform Usher's Caught Up, and just got caught up in what he does, and it was okay; fine. But did it deserve this hyper-bash from our Fresh Four? This, 'you're just a silly college frat boy wannabe pop star?' Where did all this negativity come from? Where is the Anoop love? I hear what they're saying, but did they have to use a two-by-four on our poor Tar Heel?

We actually pre-decided to open our minds, ears and hearts this week to whatever Megan "Malakar" Joy decided to quack, which as it turns out, was Bob Marley's Turn Your Light Down Low, a song which contains approximately 3 notes. And try as we may, we could not salvage a speck of redeeming value from this nightmare in quasi-Castroville, if there were any. The judges are finally, finally acquiescing. Kara: "I really like you but I think you're in trouble; " Paula: "We want you to surprise us, 'cuz that's where beauty develops" (remember that, everyone); Simon: "Boring, indulgent and monotonous." Randy: silent [see intro]. All Idol Savant can say is "Where are you, Felicia Barton?"

Danny Okey-Gokey continued his trajectory towards becoming "the most unliked American Idol in history" tonight by turning in a peerless performance of Rascal Flatts' What Hurts The Most. It was a great choice, well executed and full of "Gokemotion," and reminded us of all the really excellent singers in this great big world that we don't like no matter how hard we try. We learned that if Danny were singing this song in Paula's car, she would hit "repeat" and if Kara were in the back seat, she would be getting goosebumps, and if Simon were driving, he'd be driving…all the way to the bank.

La pequeña muchacha Allison Irehta, bedecked in…umm…a large Victorian lampshade(?), with her blazing red hair cut (or wigged) in a punkified shag hit the stage with No Doubt's Don't Speak. Now, we liked the vocal and the song choice, but one begins to wonder how much music has she actually heard in her 16 years? Is she simply recycling the 23 songs she has perfected while singing into her hairbrush in front of the mirror for the last 8 years? We guess that's not a criticism, but despite her impressive comfort level on stage, we do sense some immaturity in her as an "artiste." But, she…should be safe for another week.

A pimped-up Scott MacIntyre took full advantage of this week's theme as an opportunity to show his cool contemporary side — by choosing…what else? A…32-year-old Billy Joel song…Just The Way You Are. We wonder what readers of this blog who are Billy Joel fans (and you know who you are) are thinking right about now. Here's what we thought — this was no better nor no worse (and no different from) any song Scott has sung so far this year. In fact, it sounded exactly the same as his last 5 performances, and that is not high praise. But for some reason the judges had conspired to steer Scott out of the Bottom 3 this week. Scott is keeping the Season 8 dog-&-pony sort of interesting (I guess?), so they did their best to get him some votes by praising this as one of his best ever perfomances, and they love him just the way he is. We didn't hear any such thing, but whatever.

Matt "Mr. Excitement" Giraud must have forgotten tonight that he was in the Bottom 3 last week, because he gambled this week's performance on a mediocre song (The Fray's You Found Me) that did nothing to showcase his more pleasing soulful skills. But this is Matt's particular personal struggle. He thinks he wants to be a rock-ish pop star, not an R&B-ish pop star, like the judges (and we) think he could/should be. As Paula so aptly pointed out, this was reminiscent of the disastrous night when he attempted a Coldplay song, to similarly trainwreckish results. We wouldn't be surprised if he wound up in the B3 again, and this time he actually deserves to. And if he stays on this misguided path, we wouldn't be surprised if a career in music completely passes him by. I hear they're hiring insurance agents now in Kalamazoo.

We're actually beginning to forget the Lil Rounds that we and the judges all came to know & love back in the day. This is the second week that Lil chose a song not well suited to showcase her talents (this time Celine Dion's I Surrender). Sure, she could handle the big notes, but Paula was right (again?) — we don't want an adult comtemporary Lil. We want a funky fresh Lil. We hope she can hang in to shed her crouching tiger and resurrect her hidden dragon soon. Whatever the hell that means.

We decided to ease up on our favorite whipping boy Adam Lambert and conjure as much positive commentary as we could possibly manage this week. So first of all, we are glad the Kurt Russell Elvis look is back. Secondly, whatever we think about Adam, we do think he is a bona fide linchpin of American Idol Season 8 in terms of keeping things interesting in an otherwise vacuum of milquetoastiness. And it is for that reason that we will not even begrudge him his choice of Wild Cherry's classic Play That Funky Music. Mind you, this was Broadway funk, not down & dirty funk, not James Brown funkety-funk, and not even Wild Cherry funk. It was Adam funk, which includes way too much steroid-induced caterwauling. You get the aural picture. If Broadway Adam is already your screensaver and you can't wait to see him as Danny in the next revival of [Axl] Grease, you probably fancied this.

Kris Allen has many talents it seems, one of the first among them being an uncanny ability to consistently choose excellent songs [this week: Bill Withers' Ain't No Sunshine]. Secondly, his original reinterpretation of said songs. Lastly but not leastly, his pleasing vocal timbre and spotless phrasing; and his consistent ability to make it all work. But wait (!)— tonight we learn that he also is at home on keyboards! Props again to the surprising Mr. Allen, who took one of the most covered songs of all time, made it his own, and made us not mind hearing it again, all in a good way. Can there be any doubt that he deserves another week? Next week - Kris Allen tap dances his way into our hearts.

We can't see Scott leaving this week -- no, not quite yet. We can, however see Kristie Lee Joy Corkrey boarding a plane back to Utah. Matt may return to the bottom 3, along with…Lil? What do YOU think? We want to hear from you.

Top 10 Mine Music of Motown: How Sweet Is It?

2009-03-25T23:38:00.000-07:00

It's Motown Night for our Top Ten, and the judges once again make their strut onto the stage, cued by a formal intro from a non-Seacrest offstage emcee voice. Tonight's theme — the classic Motown catalog — is a musical goldmine and a particular favorite of Idol Savant. But…does that necessarily mean this will be a good night? Well, no, you can bet your sweet Vandella it does not. But with songs like these, how bad can it be? It seem to us at the outset that we could count on Megan, Adam and Scott to suffer (and make us suffer) the worst with this material. But let us discover how they worked it out, as Randy "Mad Love" Jackson might say. Or as our friend/musical mentor Smokey Robinson might say, let's see how deep the tracks of our tears ran tonight. Hopefully less than those of the industry that built Motor City, no longer the lifeblood it was in the glory days of this music.

Marvin Gaye is one of Idol Savant's actual Demigods, and Let's Get It On is something like the Holy Grail, so…well, this appeared to be a doomed song selection from the get-go, right? Well, as it turns out, Matt Giraud has sufficient chops to sort of pull it off. He began at the keys with a slow, odd, Hornsby-esque intro, then kicked it up properly and stood up to hit the stage. Props for covering Marvin without completely trainwrecking, and big props for the jazzy Giraud runs at the end. Our judges all loved. But how good was this really? Much better than average — good enough to keep Matt here another week. And almost as good as Jack Black's rendition in High Fidelity. But why does Matt bore us so?

How Sweet It Is was sort of a throwaway by Marvin Gaye, later a redux hit by James Taylor [and a bit ubiquitous], so not a primo choice for us. But Kris Allen surprised us. We're beginning to get him, we think. He's a smart performer [and yeah, whatever, he's cute], and this was a smart choice, well played. And whether you like his voice or not (and we do), you would have to admit that it is technically flawless. We don't believe he has ever sung a note that wasn't dead on the mark and delivered in his own style. Simon feels Kris simply needs to learn to be more over-confident and conceited. "Just be more like Danny," he should have said.

If you're a guy contestant on American Idol and you show up in pink pants, you'd better have some sort of alibi, like say, blindness, to cover yourself. But Scott MacIntyre's rosy britches were well hidden behind the piano during his turn at You Can't Hurry Love. The audience seemed to be feeling Scott (as usual), but the judges — definitely not so much this week. We agree with them that Diana Ross' Reach Out And Touch would have made more sense [though it would have been judge-panned for cloyingness]. And for some reason, Paula took this opportunity to reach out and touch Simon with some crayons and a coloring book. They have something very special, don't they?

Oh, Megan Joy [For Once In My Life]. We get you - we've gotten you all along. You are just like Mounds, aren't you, only with more Megan inside. You are a pretty girl with storybook tats, who's not afraid to put her dubiously reedy voice out there on the line. We have barely tolerated you while America has embraced you week after week. We have waited for this moment - when America would snap out of of its stupor and begin to see through your schtick, and say to itself "ouch, my ears hurt." Randy code: Mad love = "you sucked." Paula code: Stunning beauty; camera loves you = "you sucked." Simon code: you may be in trouble = "I caught your dang flu, and for what? You'll never make the top 3 now." But we do have a feeling MJ will survive another week.

Anoop Desai had another good week. Oooh, Baby Baby is actually a song from Chadboulet's old nightclub repertoire, and as Kara said 'one of the most beautful songs ever written.' And Anoop did it justice. Good song choice, very good performance. But (whether it's fair or not) we keep thinking in the back of our minds that his presence here is definitely fleeting…

Michael Sarver's Ain't Too Proud To Beg was definitely one of the more painful performances of the evening for us. Was this post-flu vocal fallout, or was he trying too hard to follow Smokey's advice to "pound it"? Even Paula couldn't heart this one. KD pontificated that it is all about artistry, not singing, you silly roughneck. Randy said something something blah blah mad love blah. Simon was more direct: "you have no chance of winning." So speaketh the Cowell. Michael is in trouble.

Randy, Simon & Ryan appeared on the Tonight show last night and basically stated that Adam Lambert, Danny Gokey, and Lil Rounds would be the final 3 of Season 8. It's no secret that "Little" Rounds is a judge favorite. But as they all agreed tonight, Heat Wave was not exactly a singer's song, and therefore a bad choice for her on a week she could have totally owned. But hey - she's going to the final 3, right?

Regular Savant readers know how we feel about Adam 'Broadway' Lambert. And we have not abandoned our disdain. However, we will give girlfriend her props this week for the hair/makeup/wardrobe reinvention, i.e. Kurt Russell as Elvis Presley, or if you like, a fresh young K.D. Lang. That alone scored points with us, the judges, and the studio applause sheep. What we must give her highest props for this week is giving America's canine ears a break -- so credit should be given not for what she did with Tracks of My Tears (a song that Jason Castro probably couldn't have fouled up), but for what she didn't do. NASA has reported that Adam did not summon any alien spacecraft, and 87% less mute buttons were depressed and 63% less TV's were tossed out of American windows this week. Mr. Lambert has spoken. He has said to us "I have found my home. I needed a place where I could let my freak flag fly. A place where I could park my excessive greasepaint and hang my complete collection of Village People character costumes. I place where I can simply be me. Adam - the Star. And…you like me - you really do. Please buy my fragrance, coming soon to a discount department store near you."

Get Ready for The Sultan of Smarm, Mr. Danny "Remember - My Wife Died" Gokey. This is priceless: Smokey gives Danny one piece of advice; Danny sucks up because this is the legendary Smokey Robinson - who knows better, right? "Thank you so much, Mr. Robinson, sir." Then, Danny hits the stage and totally ignores and discards Smokey's advice, letting the background singers fill in with the responses. Now, we are even more unfond of him. Not a terrible vocal, really, but we're revelling in Cowell's critique "clumsy & amateurish."

Allison "Troll Doll" Ireheta's spirited Papa Was A Rolling Stone was the performance Lil Rounds should have had on Motown Night. We did not love it with the depth of our souls, but it's a great song and the performance was darned good, and proved once again that she is a contender who could go all the way. Randy: "She's 16, but dope." Paula, she's 16, but great. Simon, who has t-shirts older than Allison, felt that this was one of the best performances of the night. And having just black-crayoned a mustache onto Paula's face, ponders whether little Allison just might look good with a red one. More on this story as it develops…

Idol Pinch #4: New Names

2009-03-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

We have noted Megan Joy Corkrey's transition to "Megan Joy" this week. But apparently it does not end there -- Idol Savant has just discovered an official press release outlining the new names for each contestant, as prescribed by the 19 Entertainment star-maker machinery.

[Click to enlarge]

Idol Pinch #3: Behind The Scenes

2009-03-19T18:43:00.001-07:00

Idol Savant takes an exclusive inside look at what went into Megan Joy's Grand Ole Opry Week wardrobe selection.

The day before

the show:

shopping for

accessories

Day of the show:

Wardrobe staff

prepares to dress

Megan

Showtime:

Megan goes

Hangin' After

Midnight

Jesus, Take The Remote — Top 11 Go Country; Hearts Are Pierced

2009-03-17T23:43:00.000-07:00

Randy Travis

inducts Carrie

Underwood

into the

Grand Ole Opry

May 10, 2008

Country music is the round hole that our multi-shaped top 11 Idol finalists must attempt to slither their respective ways into tonight, and we needn't mention the advantage that a need to slither gives Adam Lambert, right? Chadboulet was pre-engaged to ingest mass quantities of St. Paddy's Day corned beef & cabbage during the first half of the show — away from his television — and therefore arranged for surrogate Savants Lil Sis and Lil Niece to take the wheel for the 8:00-9:00 segment. So we present an unprecedented tri-polar edition of Idol Savant, giving you two additional people to disagree with this week!

Part 1: Our guest bloggers' recap of the show's first hour:

This week's show started off with a brief, green-tinted "Happy St. Patrick's Day" from Ryan -- perhaps an all-too-appropriate sham-rock greeting, given the "Salute to the Grand Ole Opry" theme. After all, it's Country Night, and Ireland is a country. Most of the contestants could have used the luck o' the Irish, and many of us at home probably needed a pint or two to enjoy some of the performances. These were they:

Texan Michael Sarver kicked things off with a Garth Brooks tongue-twister, Ain't Going Down Til the Sun Comes Up. As a good ol' boy, he delivered the perfect song to belt out in your pickup, hound dog by your side, shotgun rattlin' in its rack, beer coolin' in the truck bed. He had fun, but only Paula joined him among the judges, and nobody at our house did. Simon said the mushy mouthfuls of lyrics might well have been Norwegian and claimed not to understand a bit of it; Michael countered that "kuntry folks did." Don't sass your elders, boy; it ain't polite.

Allison "Troll Doll" Iraheta actually looked adorable and rocked Patty Loveless' Blame It On Your Heart. Mercifully, she took guest coach Randy Travis' advice to sing without the Irish jig she demonstrated in practice. The song was a great complement to her voice, and she owned it. Now, if only she can learn to sing without counting on her fingers. Surplus Judge opined that Allison could probably "sing the alphabet and sing it well." Um, SJ, we believe even kindergarteners can sing the ABC's well. Simon says she's precocious, but Randy disagrees -- says nope, she's dope -- but we think that's just because he doesn't know what precocious means.

Here's what we say about Kris Allen: So cute. Pretty. Sigh. He can serenade us anytime. No doubt his wife enjoyed his Garth Brooks ballad, To Make You Feel My Love. Even the judges were feeling the love, and Randy nicknamed Kris "Tender Dawg." Yep, he did. And the insightful SJ wowed us with "It was very Kris Allen." Why is she here again? But Kris/T.D. should stay at least another week, if only so we can look at him. Sigh. (Seriously, the guys miss out on all the lustful attention on this blog, so indulge us.)

On to Lil Rounds, who, Randy Travis says, has "big pipes." Yeah she does. But she really should have gotten a pass for country week. She coasted lamely through the first part of Martina McBride's Independence Day before getting a chance to roar through the powerful chorus. Not a good song choice -- judges suggest that she should have opted for I Will Always Love You -- but isn't that one of the sacred untouchables that mere mortals must never attempt? And now for our favorite moment of the evening, when Simon insists on renaming Lil "Little"-- really, repeatedly persists, even in the face of corrections from other judges, Ryan, and Lil herself. Lil gives us a Little Promise that if we keep her, we'll always get Lil from here on out. 'Kay.

We could say that Johnny Cash might have turned over in his grave to hear Adam Lambert's version of Ring of Fire. But were it possible, we believe that the Man in Black would actually have risen from the dead and stormed the set to beat the crap out of this sham artist for that nightmarish display. Adam claimed "Middle Eastern influences"; maybe -- what kinds of drugs do they have over there? Here in our Lil living room, we saw instead shades of the creepy "Point of No Return" scene in "Phantom of the Opera," when the Phantom lures the innocent Christine to his lair. The Three Stooge Judges wasted oxygen finding something "relevant" and "current" to praise. Randy Travis' mama clearly taught him not to say anything about people if you can't say something nice. Fortunately, we have Simon to translate: "What the hell was that?" On the up side, Adam displayed a lovely decolletage. But otherwise, Adam: Ew.

Part 2: Chadboulet returns from his cabbagefest to recap the second hour:

Scott MacIntyre revisited the safety of his keyboard for Martina McBride's Wild Angels, touching off a gigantic rift between Simon & Paula. It seems that Paula has now grown weary of Scott hanging his handicapped parking permit on the grand piano, and would rather see him stand up and awkwardly gyrate about as he sings. Simon could not disagree more, because there's nothing wrong with playing piano, especially when your dance stylings are a little painful to watch. Nor did Simon like this song choice (though he still likes Scott). We may agree with Kara that Scott brings poise to the stage, but are still underwhelmed by the vocals, keyboard or no keyboard.

Jolene is classic Dolly Parton, a ballad sprung from a different era — a time when young country-ish women would ask ladies of a certain uptown ilk to please not steal their men. And like most such classics, it invites unfavorable comparisons with the original [yes - you, too, Jack White]. Parton's original is just iconic and fairly burned into our psyche. We like the song okay and we like Alexis Grace - but we were not crazy about the combination of the two. Randy "Clueless" Jackson said there were pitch problems -- there were none. Kara said Alexis had lost her edge. Paula liked this performance. Simon got it the most right -- it was just okay, and not terribly original. A good choice on paper perhaps, but not in practice.

Ganny Dorky worked so hard at pretending to have trouble learning Jesus Take The Wheel in the Randy Travis segment, all the more to impress us when he hit the stage live and [naturally] nailed it. Oh, Danny boy. No, it wasn't bad and wasn't our cup of tea, and neither was the white polar expedition jacket. Kara liked the second half; Paula loved the whole thing; Simon liked it; Randy was wrong and/or irrelevant, whatever he said. And can we be just a little annoyed that when the producers said "Grand Ole Opry night", the best idea Danny could conjure up was to cover a Carrie Underwood song? I mean, the Opry is 83 years old, and Carrie just got inducted less than ONE year ago. Gol-darnit.

Anoop Desai's decision to sing You Were Always On My Mind tonight was very fortuitous for him — not only did it mark his return as an impressive vocalist, but it renewed the judge's faith in him as a viable contestant. And let's face it — he blew Willie Nelson out of the water. To us, this song is a genuine heartbreaker — it brings to mind the Elvis Presley rendition in the documentary voiceovers as black and white scenes of him neglecting and deserting Priscilla unfold before us. When the true story of the lyric is told in the vocal, it is devastating, and Anoop connected well with the real emotion of the song. Bravo for an original performance. Tar Heels enthusiatically agree with the judges tonight -- "Welcome back, Anoop."

Megan Joy has apparently completely shed her Corkrey (an odd thing to do on St. Paddy's Day), but the Idol Marketing Machine is already hard at work on this case. We are dumbfounded here tonight following her excruciating rendition of Patsy Cline's Walkin' After Midnight. What is in those four Coke cups, or what is in our ears? We learn that Megan is under the weather, and all we can say is — whoever decided to rush her to the hospital this week must have heard her at rehearsal and mistook that painful sound for a death rattle. We are glad she has some semblance of an alibi for this disaster. All four judges loved this quirky trainwreck of a performance, which smells very funny to us. Prediction: Megan is the contestant on whom the 'Judge's Save' will ultimately be employed. Because she is going to suck like this again and get voted off, and they clearly will not stand for that. No one mentioned the um…interesting…halter dress, which brought to mind a duel-gunny-sack totin' coconut smuggler. Pretty, pretty, Megan Joy.

As with most of his mentor-ee's tonight, Randy Travis thought that Matt Giraud's song choice [Carrie U's So Small] was ridiculous, but changed his mind completely after he heard him sing it. And transformed by Matt into a Bublé style pop ballad at the piano, it was ultimately pretty easy on the ears. Paula was sure that Matt pierced hearts with this performance, and the judges really all loved it, heart piercings or not. We were a bit less wowed, but feel he is certainly worthy of a spot in the Final 10.

This week's vote is a bit crucial - it will determine the lucky 10 finalists who -- no matter what -- will tour next summer. Who will get the boot? We're crossing our fingers for "Lil' Englebert" Lambert.

Thanks once again to our most excellent understudies Lil Sis & Lil Niece. You're welcome back at the Savant recap desk anytime!

Idol Pinch #2 - Adam & The Vegas Connection

2009-03-17T10:46:00.000-07:00

Adam, "Dad," and Elvis

Who's Bad? Top 13 Deconstruct King Of Pop; 'Noop Dawg Incurs Rare Wrath of Abdul

2009-03-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight's Top 13 show originated from "the big stage" and blasted off with a twist — an off-stage emcee introduced the 4 judges (who entered onstage and walked camera-ward to their seats in the theatre audience) and Ryan Seacrest, who was clearly tickled with Simon's new intro concept. 13 finalist contestants each took his turn tonight under the spotlights of this uber-flashy blue stage, two of whom who will be eliminated by tonight's popular vote on tomorrow night's show. And even though this show was devoted to contestant backstories, somehow…it all seemed to revolve around Ms. Paula Abdul, who could be found standing & dancing throughout the show. And…why (you wonder) was Ryan so darned emphatic about dialing carefully when voting? It seems that the show's producers had a last-minute scramble to find a new call-in number after discovering that 1-866-IDOLS-13, the intended number for the 13th contestant, was as it turns out...a sex line.

Time for our totally PG-rated recap:

Lil Rounds put a bluesy spin on The Way You Make Me Feel, and Paula and Chadboulet were certainly feeling it. Kara felt that Lil's ending note was sick, which in recording industry venacular means, "conducive to making me richer." Paula loved & Simon hated Lil's outfit, but we all know that Lil remains firmly in can-do-no-wrong territory.

Scott MacIntyre on the other hand (grand piano in tow on Keep The Faith), continues to occupy Do-Wrong territory. Can he inspire and lift us more than this? We're not so sure we want to find out. Could he improve on his fighting-the-lethargy delivery style? We think he should, but are unsure that we can. Rest assured, America will continue its love affair with vision-impaired Scott for at least another week.

Danny Gokey will be here for awhile, and we are only just getting warmed up on kicking him around. He will come back week after week, because he is so good. And we will kick him around because we think he is a smarmy, cocky little twerp. Yes, these qualities are not mutually exclusive — talent and cockiness. And although Danny is consistently beyond reproach in the vocal department, we did take issue with his occasional shoutiness during his otherwise smart rendition of Pretty Young Thing. Glad you mentioned church music after singing that sexy song, Danny, otherwise the memory of your deceased spouse and its re-refrain might be tarnished.

Take Michael Sarver, who grew up without dad and whose mom looks like Peggy Hill. How was he able to execute a virtual vocal master class with You're Not Alone, while flashing his charming smile and not missing one note, without eliciting one shred of disdainment? In other words, Michael is very good, and is NOT cocky. But then, he is a "roughneck," which is one of those words — like "zesty" that people say on TV but no one says in real life. When was the last time a pickup truck full of shirtless rifle-totin' malt-liquor swiggin' hillbillies drove by and you heard someone say "hey, look at those roughnecks." See? Anyway, we liked Michael tonight, whatever he is, and especially because he is not Danny.

High School student Jasmine Murray sang I'll Be There, which reminded us of the Jackson Five. They were so good; but then, Jasmine was so not. The judges still inexplicably love her (especially Randy and Kara tonight), but it's getting tougher for them to do so. We find her a little boring and don't think she's really up for this American Idol thing.

Kris Allen hit the stage with his acoustic guitar to deliver a pretty solid rendition of Remember The TIme. We agree with Simon that this wasn't really an acoustic guitar sort of song, but it didn't hurt him. Kris is the cute white boy next door, so there is a temptation to dismiss him out of hand as too ordinary, but you know, he was way better than average again, which is something we can't say for a few others. Simon thought it was "too soon to bring the wife out," which I guess meant he thought Kris may not be back next week, but we suspect he may.

The honeymoon between 16-year-old Salvadoran Allison Ireheta and the four judges is still in effect. As Randy so eloquently stated "If you got it, you got it, and you got it cuz you was done born wid it, wut?" or something def and dope like dat. KD thought Allison's rockin' rendition of Give In was ridiculous, which is not necessarily ridiculous. We on the other hand, did not enjoy Allison's off-putting stage presence tonight — she performed with her eyes closed and bangs obscuring her eyes most of the time — not so conducive to audience connection. But as we said, Allison is here to stay.

Indian-American Anoop Desai is extremely popular here in the mutual homeland territory of the Desai family and this blog. So we feel compelled to go a little softer on him than the judges, who found his performance to be among the worst of the evening. Paula Abdul, in a rare Cowell-esque moment declared that the song was untouchable by mere mortals such as Anoop, and that his performance felt karaoke. To be honest, Paula was dead-on correct. Beat It really was the one MJ song choice of the evening that was too big — too iconic to be tackled —probably because one cannot hear the song without seeing the Michael Jackson video in one's head, with all those King O' Pop moves and other sundry signature weirdities. Is Anoop going to Carolina in his mind [or on a plane] tomorrow night, or will he remain in the show's caste [sic] another week? Hmm, 13 is such an unlucky number…

We learned last week that Puerto Rico's Jorgé Nunez can bring all kinds of emotion to the right sort of song, and Never Can Say Goodbye unfortunately was not one of those [although we like the song]. Randy figured out he can despise a performance as much as he wants to if he preceeds his comments with "ya know I've got mad love 4 U, baby…" We hope Jorgé can hang in, but this was not his week.

Kara DioGuardi says that Megan Joy Corkrey puts her signature on everything. We say yes, she does, and that signature is her brilliant pretty smile, or smiley prettiness, or pretty smiling smileyness, which blinds one to the possibility that perhaps she's just an okay singer. Once again, the honeymoon continues, although all four judges agree that Rockin' Robin was a ridiculous [old school definition] song choice. And we really going to let her get away with that "CAW CAW" at the end? Do you hear Lil Rounds doing crow calls? No, we don't think so.

Adam & Steve in the

Garden of Hedon[ism]

Idol Savant has a great big bone to pick with the American Idol Judges, and that bone is "Broadway" Screamy McScreamerson, a.k.a. Adam Lambert, who 'sang' Black or White. They actually thought he was not only good, but "in an entirely other league" from the others tonight. Indeed, it was another league — the "Bad WannaBe 70s-80s Arena Rocker League," or perhaps The Human League. We were wishing it had "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea without an oxygen tank," and are still wishing so. Even if you had the dubious taste to have once believed (when you were young and illegally stupified) that Axle Rose or Bret Michaels could ever sing, why on earth would you find a 25-years-too-late horrific imitation of said shrill swill acceptable? I suppose that is a rhetorical question, but I really want to know why the judges are so blinded by shiny objects, i.e. Adam. And are we really going to help him fulfill his dream — to banshee his way toward the A.I. finals?

Matt Giraud grew up in a family — they played ping pong and took vacations. Oh, and his dad is real funny. God, I love that backstory. Matt applied his (as Randy called it) his Robin [Thicke]/Timberlake groove-thang to Human Nature, self-accompanied on piano, soulfully, with semi-moderate success on the falsetto bits at the end. We believe he's safe for another week, but Matt is going to have to be very careful about his song choices to stay on the judges' good side. I can see him inadvertently slipping away from the soulful stuff and having another Coldplay moment. He was good enough tonight, but just a tad boring.

Alexis Grace appears to be hurtling toward the Season 8 Final 3. Why do we think so? We avoid the "package" cliché as much as possible, but she has it. She has IT, she is IT, and she has consistently brought IT every single time she's sung on the show. She not only has chops, but also (we think) that elusive Star Quality that is rare to stumble across, even on this program. Is she our favorite? Not necessarily, but we're calling things as we see it at this moment. Her performance of Dirty Diana may have been a little oversung (as 2 judges said), but was never boring, and was true to her hot little style. We do think she should take her look a little further out-da-box — the hair had sort of an 'affluent soccer mom' vibe tonight.

A ridiculous major change to the how the show works will be announced tomorrow night, according to Ryan. Will the judges start choosing all the songs? Will they all start drinking from Paula's cup? Kelly Clarkson and Kanye West are set to perform, so it should be a very sick and ridiculous show. It might even be Bad.

Jokers [Judges] Gone Wild

2009-03-05T22:30:00.000-08:00

Tonight's wildcard show belongs to the 4 Jokers in the deck who chose that semi-dubious lot last night from the top 36 rejects. These jokers can comment all they like, but tonight the comments cannot sway the voting public, they can only provide instant spoilers as to who will get the boot, and indeed they did. If their comments unanimously declare that they love you, then you are home free. The other difference tonight: the contestants were still singing to pre-recorded tracks, but they had the added benefit of live background singers.

Due to the fact that most of us already know the results, we will keep our comments relatively brief tonight.

Jesse Langseth sang one of our all-time favorite songs, Stevie Wonder's Tell Me Something Good, made famous in the 70s by Rufus. We had hopes for this girl; she's got spunk, and a little funk; and if legs could score points, she'd definitely be in. Unfortunately, she did not completely own the song. We suspect the judges were torn.

Matt Giraud was SO completely back in soulful form tonight, after last week's disastrous "who is this guy, and what has he done with Matt Giraud?" moment. A brilliant spot-on performance of the Jackson's Who's Loving You, sort of Timberlake-esque (for better or worse).

Megan Joy Corkrey's reedy, affected, limited, gimmicky voice was weakly applied to Black Horse & The Cherry Tree, a song which Kat McPhee put to bed long ago. The judges all agree that it basically sucks, and yet all agree that she is pretty and they love her, and her tat sleeve, no matter what studio magic they'll have to pull out of their butts to make a decent product out of her [oh, Felicia, where are you?].

Von 'Shouty' Smith applied the Full Von to Elton's Sorry Seems To Be, and bummed everyone out. And made several babies cry.

Jasmine Murray still has a long way to go to impress us, not because she's bad, but because we are not Simon and we require more than a pretty face and tawny skin in a [female] contestant. Our guess is that he staged a hissy in the judge pow-wow and demanded she stay lest he revert to his old habit of strutting around shirtless backstage. End of story.

Ricky Braddy never really had a prayer, did he? He is the guy with The Voice, yet clearly lacking The It Factor.

How do you solve a problem like Tatiana Del Toro? Del Toro is Spanish for "of the bulls," or more idiomatically "Hey Mr. matador - can you do something about this one over here?" We reiterate what we've said about her voice -- she blows it out on the the big mid-range power-notes, and is a rather weak singer everywhere else, period. The song, in this case, is The Song she has sung twice before, Saving All My Love, which got her booted. That alone should mandate Idol Death, right? She made her own bed. But gosh-darn it, is this girl fabulous or what?!! We're totally ready for the inevitable TDT reality show, in whatever form it may take. Maybe a "shot of love" meets "hell's kitchen" sort of deal(?)

So…wait…wait. What does our girl do when she is cast off? Does she whimper & fade? Oh, no. Faint? No. She KNEELS in front of the frackin' judge's stand. Uh………SECURITY!!!! Paula, to her credit, exerts some generous maniac counseling to keep Tatiana from jumping head first off the stage, and Ryan cuts to a commercial before the shoes start flying.

Anoop Desai: So what's wrong with everybody's main man 'Noop Dawg, anyway? We'll tell you. When Anoop is singing They say I'm nasty / But I don't give a damn / getting girls is how I live, what he is really saying is "Miss, may I help you with your geometry homework?" He is just SO gosh-darned clean-cut (not that there's any thing wrong with that) -- SUCH a preppy college boy (from our Alma Mater, mind you). We just don't know what the Idol talent touters are going to do with him. But, they might want to start with man-scaping the eyebrows. From there…um, perhaps a Bollywood style musical "From Anoop To Kelly," if they can figure out how to wrangle Ms. Clarkson for one more…

SPOILER ALERT: Well, we guess you saw the show. If you don't want to know who the judges put through, better stop reading here. Our last group of contestants to become F I N A L I S T S:

Jasmine, Megan, Matt, and ……drum roll, please……an unprecedented 13th finalist……Anoop, American Idol's very first outsourced contestant.

Chadboulet had expressed some hunches over the last couple of weeks that some sort of surprise or extra contestant would come out of this wildcard biz. So, uh, yeah -- we savant. We savant all our love for you…

Idol Pinch #1: Von Smith Makes Babies Cry

2009-03-03T22:16:00.000-08:00

Semifinals Week 3: Many Bring It; Paula Hearts All

2009-03-03T00:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight's show marks the last semi-final round which America will judge. Thursday's Wild Card show will be decided solely by our four judges. Tonight could arguably also be called the best of the three semifinals so far. Let get straight to the recap:

Von Smith Archetype: Broadway Boy

22-year-old Von changed the spelling of his first name from Vaughan, presumably because it was taking too long to complete singing competition entry applications, with those 4 superfluous letters. And then there's the troublesome fact that he looks like some sort of Osmond lost cousin -- and does America need another quasi-Osmond, really? I mean, isn't that how we got into this mess in the first place? Osmonds, and credit default swops? Tonight, Von was the first to suffer from Del Toro Syndrome, which is manifested by holding back one's true over-the-top self after watching the Hollywood audition tapes and reading horrible "Shouty McShouterson" things about oneself on the internets. The defensive strategy? Practically whispering the first half of You're All I Need To Get By, as if to say " See? See? I'm not a SHOUTER! I AM NOT A SHOUTER!" To be fair, Von has chops, and he did a fine job with the song. And by the way, why was it okay when Von sang Motown, and why was it "old-fashioned" poison for Kai Kalama? Anyway, the judges love, love, love Von. For me? Von is one of those guys who has been over-rehearsing for this in front of a mirror since he was like seven, so it's sort of a passionless manifest destiny exercise.

Taylor Vaifanua Archetype: Pretty Teen With Chops

17-year-old Samoan-American Taylor proved she can sing with Alicia Keys' If I Ain't Got You. Unfortunately, she already sang this one in Hollywood, and she brings nothing original to the song in the first place. As Cowell summarized, 'not bad, but generic.' Kara wants to go shopping with Taylor, perhaps to help her choose leg coverings that improve upon black vinyl tights. Help us, here. What were those? Thigh-length patent leather boots? But this segment presented a classic and timeless moment which I hope to see repeated -- the music indicating "end of judge time" swelled before Randy could speak. But……he managed to interject some redundant urbonic babble before the next commercial.

Alex Wagner-Trugman Archetype: The Kid Who Cuts My Lawn

The infamous 19-year-old "closet mold boy" sang I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues, proving that with a few more years practice, he'll be ready to sing karaoke at Lumpy's in Salt Lake City. Undoubtably the worst performance of the evening, punctuated by various and sundry awkward vocal spasms and faux growls. On the plus side, he does throw in the weed-eater edging for free. Ryan seemed genuinely taken by Alex's dork/lost puppy appeal, but the judges decided he was a hamster trying to be a tiger, and not Joe Cocker after all; and they seriously regret their embarrassing mistake in bringing him here. Sorry, Mom & Dad.

Arianna Afsar Archetype: Exotically Cute Teen

17-year-old half-Bangladeshi-half Persian (?) Arianna is a sweet girl. Remember? She founded a "Adopt A Grand-Friend," for teens to visit and perform for nursing home residents. She also sang well in earlier auditions. So, we were sad to see her fail so miserably tonight with ABBA's Winner Takes It All, in which she seemed to be chronically behind the beat and…lost in space. Her big notes fell flat, too -- this was just sad. A victim of nerves? At any rate, we hope that when we check into our nursing home that Arianna is still available to come sing to us.

Ju'Not Joyner Archetype: Neo-Soul Man

26-year-old Ju'Not made it all the way to Hollywood before being booted in Season 7, so there is an underdog appeal factor here. He's back with a new attitude and an new apostrophe in his name, and may prove to have staying power this time around. Ju'Not chose the unlikely Hey There Delilah. As Kara expressed, the vocal was soulful, smooth and fluid, with which the others were in general accord. Ju'Not is the last best hope for an African American male to move on in Season 8 -- we'd wouldn't mind hearing more.

Kristen MacNamara Archetype: Pretty Blonde

Does our archetype underestimate/undersell 23-year-old Kristen? After all, she competed on Star Search, and placed sixth on one season of Nashville Star, where she presented herself as a decidedly country artist -- one with a blatant playmate image. But she toned it down a bit tonight and went un-country, causing the judges to ask "Who are you?" Our problem with Kristen was that Give Me One Reason is bascially an upbeat blues song. The blues is the blues, upbeat or not, and simply cannot be delivered in a perky Patti Page fashion. Don't know Patti Page? Okay then, this was Tracy Chapman as sung by Bonnie Hunt. On the plus side, Kara wants to go out Karaoke-ing with Kristen.

Nathaniel Marshall Archetype: Grandma-Loving Flitty-boy

Every season of American Idol seems to have a Nate or two - you know the guys -- young, full of attitude and eyeshadow, wearing their dancehall passions on their sleeves as they attempt to sass and mince their way into our hearts. Nate is the second contestant tonight with a case of Del Toro Syndrome -- he saw what America didn't like about him and he's mended his dramatic ways. Let's be fair -- we were ready to dismiss/disdain whatever he pulled out of his polyester sleeve tonight (especially after we heard the word "Meatloaf"), and yet…were a bit surprised to find that Nate really wasn't that bad a performer. Inexplicably, 10 or 15 minutes of the show were spent on the subsequent judging segment, after which it can be definitively said that…Paula hearts Nathaniel. America, vote for Nate if you want more fun!

Felicia Barton Archetype: Hot Brunette With Chops [or, Carly Smithson 2.0 without the 'scary']

As we all remember, 26-year-old Felicia was given a post-boot second chance when Joanna Pacitti was disqualified for numerous political reasons. And wow -- are we pleased with this turn of events. The undeniable fact that [former Miss Virginia Beach] Felicia hit the stage tonight with "the look" of a star on the rise was fortunately backed up by the fact that the girl could also deliver vocally. Yes, there was one bad note in her rendition of Alicia Keys' No One, and (as Simon said) it was a bit copycat, but Felicia has big stage presence, and a strong voice. We are feelin' Ms. Barton. Paula hearts Felicia, too.

Scott MacIntyre Archetype: Choirboy

DId you see Scott's first Season 8 audition? Well, neither did he. Okay, now that we have gotten our politically incorrect humor out of the way, let's get serious about Mr. MacIntyre. On the plus side: 1) He has a nice, clear, church choir tone to his voice; 2) We like the song he chose, Mandolin Rain. He is clearly likeable; maybe even loveable. Now, on the negative side: We are not really feeling his skills. Scott comes across as a guy who read a few books on how to sing, and then tried it, and is still trying. There is nothing relaxed or natural about the way he sings -- he is even often unintentionally behind the beat, seemingly working hard to keep up with the music while tripping over words. As we said, lovability and his visual handicap make for a powerful underdog factor here, but we really don't think Scott deserves to move to the finals. But…he probably will.

Kendall Beard Archetype: Country Cutie

24-year-old Kendall is a natural on stage, full of personality, and a pretty good singer. But to cut to the chase, do we need another young blonde country singer to emerge from this program, and could it happen again? And if so, is she good enough? We say no, no & no.

Jorgé Nuñez Archetype: Latino Male

20-year-old Puerto Rico native Jorgé snuck up on us tonight. We knew he could sing, and we knew that the Elton John anthem Don't Let the Sun Go Down On Me has served others well on this show (most notably Clay Aiken), but we didn't know he would BRING it to the extent that he did. This was the anti-Von Smith performance of the night - a completely no-bull joint. It was real; it was passionate, and was sung…well, touchingly. Paula has hearted so many performances tonight, but she especially hearted this one, and KD jumped overboard the same loveboat. And honestly, all four judges [and no doubt the show's producers] wouldn't mind seeing a viable Latino recording artist under their contract. Jorgé could be the one.

Lil Rounds Archetype: Sassy R&B Ringer

Yes, the judges saw it early on. They loved her name, her voice, her personality -- they saw the package, and dollar signs, too. We wanted to see and hear 24-year-old Lil prove it tonight -- that it wasn't all hype and wishful thinking on the part of the judges. Well, there was a reason they saved Rounds for last tonight. She's got the goods -- she's a natural, and she was (as Cowell put it) "brilliant." Kara tried to go all urban on 'her girl' Lil, proving just how Albanian-American she is. Randy was like 'wut?' Simon wants to take Lil home and show her his etchings, and Paula hearts Lil Rounds, and correctly guesses she'll be here for more "lil' rounds."

And…well, we heart you too, Paula, and whatever you've got there in that Coke glass.

Second 3 Finalists Chosen

2009-02-26T22:01:00.000-08:00

Season 8 Semifinals - Week 2 results are in.

Your second 3 finalist contestants:

Semi-Finals #2: All About The Song, And Still Mostly Wrong

2009-02-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

The second group of 12 semi-finalists competed tonight for 3 slots, and the judges had 3 righteous nuggets of wisdom for them at the outset: 1) bring it; 2) pick the right song; and 3) it's too late for advice now [Simon]. All of these were apropos, but "pick the right song" is the one piece of advice that Group 3 should cling to next week.

Just what does "good song choice" mean? A good choice indicates a well thought-out strategy to win, or to get to the next level; we can tell you what gauge(s) not to employ. Your favorite song: not necessarily a good choice. Your mom/girlfriend's favorite song: not necessarily a good choice. A song you love to sing in the shower: not necessarily. A time-tested, beloved hit for some superstar: maybe not. Think, people! It has to friggin' work for you. That's it. The song has to be a good, well-written one, but it has to work for your voice. Now let's talk about all the losers who were too stupid to understand those simple principles.

Jasmine Murray, 17. Archetype: The High School Student.

Jasmine has been a judge favorite from Day One, for her cute looks and contemporary vibe. Sara Bareilles' Love Song was not a bad choice in our opinion, but the performance was surprisingly pitchy, and bad. Simon owned up - "I like you, but you don't have a great voice."

Matt Giraud, 23. Archetype: Vocalist with Chops + Piano

This was the biggest surprise of the evening - the shoe-in -- the guy we would have put big money on to go far (if we had money) -- the hands-down best performer in the Hollywood auditions [at the keyboard with Georgia On My Mind] - basically sucked out the whazoo. What happened here? We would say there were some flat notes in his rendtion of Coldplay's Viva La Vida [sans piano], but it would be more accurate to say there were a few sporadic non-flat notes. People -- please don't ever cover Coldplay. Coldplay should not even cover Coldplay. But if you do, don't attempt Stevie Wonderesque runs with a billy-goat vibrato twist. As usual, Simon said it best when he called Matt a 'wannabe popstar' and declared that this performance "put me off you." Talk about flushing yourself down the toilet. It would be a miracle now if he survives as a finalist.

Janine Vailes, 28. Archetype: Contemporary Female African-American

Washington, DC bartender Vailes better go plug in her ice-crusher. Her painful performance of Maroon 5's This Love was among the most off-pitch in my personal American Idol memory. Possibly the worst performance of the evening. The judges unanimously agreed.

Nick Mitchell [Normund Gentle], 28. Archtype; Singing Comedian(?)

Nick surprised us tonight by rekindling his shiny-shirted alter-ego Normund Gentle, with a rousing redux of And I'm Telling You (I'm Not Going) [from his first audition]. Whether you find Nick funny or annoying, we all may agree that the man has wisely used this program as a launching pad for some brand of fame. This is what sticks in Simon's craw: the guy is mocking Cowell's 'baby' and providing fodder to the "votefortheworst"s of the world. But like the other 3 judges, we are quite entertained by this guy. So where does that leave us with Nick/Normund? We think the show's producers like having him in their contract clutches, in case he strikes a sitcom deal or something. You know, the recording industry is not so healthy - have you heard? We believe that's why he's lasted this long. Personally, we think that if Nick were as savvy as we thought he was, he should have come in tonight with his very best straight voice, and blown everyone away as a singer, sans comedy (it could happen). By falling back on Normund [which appears risky], we think he was actually playing it safe. Should he go through? We don't know - but if he does, we'll be right here, laughing out loud. Oh, and Nick - Vince Vaughn called - he wants his eye baggage back.

Allison Iraheta, 16. Archetype: Cute Young Latina With Rock Chops

Do you remember how the judges fawned over Allison in Hollywood? "Raw natural talent," they said. "Dark horse," they said. That's the sort of thing that makes us want to pay close attention, to see if the hype can/should be believed. Magenta-headed Allison started up Heart's Alone with a raspy, smoky, ballady lead-in (all good), then let loose with spot-on rock chops on the chorus. Yes, we see it -- this girl is in fact a natural on stage, and for the first time this evening, we had someone 100% on-pitch. So much for our earlier 'bad stage monitor' explanation. Kara was especially enamoured and didn't mince words: "you don't even know how good you are." But Simon just said it: "Best by a clear mile. This competition has just begun." Another Kelly Clarkson? We dunno, but we know this girl needs to be a finalist. Team Iraheta!

Kris Allen, 23. Archetype: Boy next door

Kris succeeded in Hollywood with the help of guitar self-accompaniment, but went sans-instrument tonight with Michael Jackson's Man In The Mirror, with fairly pleasing results. One might pre-judge the song choice as potentially problematic, but listening to his rendition which did not in any way mimic Jackson's, We were left with a decent impression all around. Good voice, absolutely on-pitch (says a lot tonight), good stage presence, and as Paula said, he pretty much nailed it. This marks Kara's first judging mis-fire of the season — being wrong, and the sole voice of discontent. Kris' problem is similar to that of Ricky Braddy last week -- can he parlay a good voice [with no personality] into a win with voters?

Megan Joy Corkrey, 23. Archetype: Radiant Blonde [or, Kristie Lee Cook 2.0]

Single mother Megan wears her charms on her sleeve: she is very, very, pretty. She has perfect teeth and a smile to match. She has lovely hair. What is so wrong with being all that? Well nothing, if you can sing. Yes, she has a voice well-suited for Corrine Bailey Rae's Put Your Records On (a song that we happen to like). But we fear that is all she is suited for. Can she go all through Season 8 singing Corrine Bailey Rae? The rendition was note-for-note Corrine. To tell you the truth, Megan has an interesting vocal tone, but not a fantastic voice, and really limited range. Judge Kara DioGuardi (with dollar signs in her eyes), a woman who has written songs for the likes of Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson, Hillary Duff, Miley Cyrus, and Lindsay Lohan, feels that Megan is a "packaged artist" who "could be a break-out star with the right song." Hmm, wonder where Kara thinks this 'right song' might come from? But this sentiment was coming from a woman who thinks the adjective commercial is a compliment. Perhaps we can live without Megan, despite her perfect face.

Matt Breitzke, 28. Archetype: Blue-Collar Lug With a Heart Of Gold

Tonic's If You Could Only See was a toxic song choice. Can Matt sing? I guess. The song sucked so badly, we might never know.

Jesse Langseth, 25. Archetype: Bluesy Chick

Even if you didn't know Jesse was the kid sister of blues prodigy Johnny Lang, you'd know there was something genuinely funky about her. We actually didn't like her in earlier auditions - we thought her voice was affected; so we were ready to dismiss her tonight. It did not help that she chose the mediocre 80s pop song "Bette Davis Eyes" and expressed her opinion that it was "one of the greatest songs ever written." We will just pretend we didn't hear that. And so, she sang. Her voice was distinctive, and perhaps not as affected as I had thought. Her rendition of the song actually blew the original [Kim Carnes] version away, because Jesse sang it; none of it was 'talked.' And so, Jesse grew on us tonight, a bit. Why? Because she can kick Megan Joy Corkrey's butt, that's why.

Kai Kalama, 26. Archetype: Handsome Hawaiian Dude

Admittedly, Chadboulet is very old-school. He thought that Kai's choice What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? was an indication of fine musical taste. The American Idol judges straightened me out, however. It is [we learned] so sadly old-fashioned, you see. If that is the case, why do you guys keep booking musical mentors like Diana Ross, Gladys Knight, Barry Gibb, Barry Manilow, Tony Bennett, Burt Bacharach, Andrew Lloyd Webber, et al? What Becomes of the Broken Hearted is an all-time classic, and we feel that points should be awarded for good taste, especially in the context of tonight's musical wasteland! So, how was the performance? Good enough; not bad. Will it bring him back? It all depends on whether America likes Hawaiian Motown throwbacks.

Mishavonna Henson, 18. Archetype: Cute Brunette [or, Casey Carleson 2.0]

Pug-nosed Mishavonna has a cool name. And actually, a strong voice, which was absolutely on-pitch and steadfast throughout her rendition of the dubious Drops Of Jupiter. But we see Simon's point. This is something like Julia Stiles as singer -- too serious -- a young girl who comes off as much older than 18, and not in a helpful way. With her very capable voice, she is worthy of another chance, but…we shall see.

Adam Lambert, 27. Archtype: Rocker Wannabe/Broadway Diva

Let's start with Simon's assessment that Adam's rendition of the Stones' Satisfaction is a "love it or hate it" proposition. Okay then, so we would like to go on record as being in the "hated it" camp. We don't think we can ever come to terms with Mr. Lambert as a worthy contestant. Adam, as you may recall, is a man who bet it all in Hollywood on the notion that singing Cher's Believe would be his certain ticket to success & stardom. So, you see, this is a guy who takes Cher seriously as an Artist. Now, go back and read that last sentence again. This is a guy who has toured with the Broadway touring cast of Wicked. This is a guy whose rendition of Satisfaction had more in common with David Cassidy in Vegas than Mick Jagger, anywhere. A guy whose mascara application has more in common with Liza Minnelli than Keith Richards. If this guy gets through, no mercy shall be shown. We want to punch him in his Barbra Streisand tattoo, wherever it is located, and we know it's there somewhere.

Savant Lifts Comment Restrictions!

2009-02-25T10:20:00.000-08:00

Idol Savant has just made it easier for you to get that passionately opinionated load off your chest! To tell us exactly what should be stuffed into Von Smith's mouth, or precisely which of your nerves Norman Gentle gets on. That's right - as of now, you are no longer required to have an account of any kind to log in under. So please - comment away! Let's mix it up. If you do choose to comment anonymously, sign off with some sort of alias so I can keep track of who said what and who prays every night for Tatiana Del Toro to descend from the heavens and land back on the Idol stage on a gold lamé pillow.

By the way, the results of our first random survey of the season are in! A resounding 80% of you think Kara DioGuardi is smarter than Randy. But then, I had a meatball on my plate last night that pretty much fit that description.

First 3 Finalists Chosen

2009-02-25T09:53:00.000-08:00

Season 8 Semifinals - Week 1 results are in.

Your first 3 finalist contestants:

Semi-Finals #1: Tunes Crooned; Songs Wronged

2009-02-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

At long last, Chadboulet [and Idol Savant] have emerged from hibernation, ready to shower this year's American Idol contestants with all they deserve to be showered with. It's no secret that we are too lazy to blog before the actual semi-finals begin, but rest assured that we have been well steeped in the Season 8 audition gauntlet and all the drama therein, and we're BRINGING IT!

Tonight marks the first live show of Season 8, and coincidentally, also marks the season kick-off to Paula's pre-show Tanning + Daiquiri parties. And judging from the tawny loose bangs artfully obscuring her half-open eyes, it looks like tonight's was a tan-dinger. And speaking of self-medication, I believe Randy may need the dosage adjusted down on his urbanspeak pills. Tonight's recurring theme: "I Thought I Liked Him/Her Until He/She Chose That Piece of Crap Song Tonight."

Tonight is the first of 3 elimination rounds which will ultimately give us 12 finalists. Here's how it works: a dozen contestants perform tonight and for the following 2 Tuesdays, with America voting through one man, one woman, and the next highest vote-getter of either gender, and sending nine others home. So, after these three weeks, 9 will have made it to the finals. At that point, the judges will name 3 additional ''wild card'' contestants to complete the top 12. The return to this "12 singers enter, three singers leave" format actually reduces the power of merry pranksters to tinker with the voting process. And yes, it means you will never see 9 of these people, ever, ever, again, that is unless you're fond of those Disney cruises.

Jackie Tohn, 28 Archetype: Rocker Chick

Ryan introduced Jackie (an early favorite of mine) as "Miss Personality." I would have liked to have seen a little less personality, a little more genuine singing ability, and a lot less Little Less Conversation, the first of many horrible song choices tonight. This was one of those songs with way too many words and only about 5 notes - Simon was dead right to call it gimmicky. She seems to be someone that might be fun to hang out with; but tonight…Jackie was ever so self-consciously perky. I had hopes for her, but tonight I'll have to pass.

Ricky Braddy, 26 Archetype: Choir Boy

Great song (Song For You), great song choice, strong performance. Ricky may not be my particular vocal cup of tea, but he proved he is worthy to be here, and in a perfect Idol world, should/would sail through. Simon thinks he has no star quality - the other three bobbleheads have joined the instant fan club "The Braddy Bunch."

Alexis Grace, 21 Archetype: Blue-Eyed Soul Singer

Oh, pretty little Alexis, the struggling single mom. You only have to look at those flashing dollar signs in Cowell's eyes to know that there may not be a more market-ready contestant in the bunch. And yes, of course 90-lb skinny white girls should never attempt to tackle Aretha (Never Loved A Man) — it is in fact, borderline sacrilege. But Ms. Grace knew she was up to the task, and…uh huh, proved it to the rest of us. A lukewarm start; but as she loosened up, she grew on me as the song grew on her and she miraculously began to make it all work. Wow - the shock & awe ending alone was worth the price of admission. She's in. Note to hippy dad for future reference: This is national television. Couldn't you have worn your best rainbow scrunchie or something?

Brent Keith, 29 Archetype: Country Hunk

Perhaps it's about time American Idol had another male country contender. There is money in them thar hills. But maybe Brent is not that contender. It was a little hard to tell with Jason Aldean's Hicktown, a song that literally has, like 4 notes in it. The refrain alone "…in a hicktown" only consists of…let's see…um, four syllables and one note? So this was not a singer's showcase song. The three dittoheads liked it; Cowell rightly called it forgettable. And speaking of forgettable -- what ever DID happen to Bucky Covington? Anyway, it's all up to you hicktown voters now…

Stevie Wright, 17 Archetype: Young Girl

Oooh. Ouch. Yikes. Nervous, or just mindbogglingly unworthy? Shockingly amateurish. And did I mention she was really bad? Simon says she has a zero chance, and I think he may have overstated the odds. Go home, Stevie. It's not too late to try out for the Sandy role in your upcoming high school production of Grease. Or…um, maybe one of Sandy's friends.

Anoop Desai, 22 Archetype: Asian Boy-Band Heart-throb

Anoop, with his smooth, sweet voice and Bollywood-ready handsome face has been an early favorite for many of us. And he hails from Chadboulet's heartland. But I am at a loss. I just looked at my notes and the only thing I wrote down was "I really, really, hate this piece of crap song." [Angel of Mine]. Anoop, baby - what were you thinking? Perhaps you can sing but you just have no musical taste(?), is that it? The judges and Idol-Powers-That-Be clearly want Anoop in the finals, and both Paula and Simon made a point of reminding us of his "massive likeability" and how America is already so connecting with him. So…we'll see if they can end up cashing in. Oh, and by the way, Anoop - that was not "r & b" by most definitions.

Casey Carlson, 20 Archetype: Cute-As-A-Button Brunette Chick

Watching this really adorable girl wink, contort her face and spasmodically shimmy-shake her head about as she tackled "Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic" was weirdly entertaining for me. Yes, it was another ridiculous song choice, but I felt that the judges were guilty of critique overkill. Come on, give a pretty-as-a-picture girl a break, dudes. By the time Cowell put the last nail in the coffin, I was compelled to give the poor girl a big hug. I should mention that I also wanted to hug her during the performance, but that's another story. Anyway, I'd like to see her come back. Guys, what do you think?!

Michael Sarver, 27 Archetype: Blue-collar Looker who could stand to lose a few pounds

Gavin DeGraw's "I Don't Wanna Be" is yet another non-rangey song, and therefore not a great vocal showcase. And I'm not so sure about that psychedelic arrangement, either, but whatever. The judges are very busy telling everyone which type of commercial product they would like to see each of them become. In Michael's case, they feel he should stick with the more soulful-type material, as he did in the auditions. As with Anoop, Simon reminded us that we all like Michael very much indeed and we want him to come back. Is that perfectly clear?

Ann Marie Boscovich, 22 Archetype: Pretty Brunette

I had a parting of minds with the judges regarding Ann Marie's rendition of Natural Woman. It's a good song, and I think she did a perfectly respectable job with it - even injecting some original big note twists into it, and proving that she has some gi-normous chops. I think if you can sing this song as well as she did, you should be in, or should at least score a few points. But the judges categorically hated it, which probably means they just don't like her and they're getting on with the under-bus-throwing. Notable barb: Kara said Ann Marie should sing some girly bubblegum type song instead, to which Boscovich replied "Oh, you mean…something not as good?"

Stephen Fowler, 26 Archetype: Black Guy

Stephen's voice has a nice tonal quality about it, and he seems like a nice (if completely hapless) guy, but other than that, he really can't sing. So, it did not help to choose Michael Jackson's Rock With Me. He was often flat and off the beat, often soul-less, and couldn't reach that high note which he also had trouble sustaining. Altogether mediocre and forgettable, and probably the second worse performance of the night.

Tatiana Del Toro, 21 Archetype: Insane Drama Queen; or, perhaps, Mikela Gordon 2.0

There have been many opportunities for the irrepressible Ms. Del Toro to see what the Idol producers did to her in the audition show editing room, and this has had a noticable effect on her persona, which was much more subdued and measured tonight. Tatiana, don't you know it was the 'Crazy' that the producers [and me] liked about you in the first place? One memorable moment from the earlier shows sums it up - after getting through at some point, with the cameras trained on her backstage, Ms. Del Toro made a grand, weepy acceptance speech that went something like "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank everyone who made this possible, and I want to thank each and every one of you for being a cast member in my dream." This was echoed tonight in her final statement (threat?) to the camera "This is my dream, and it's up to you to keep it alive." Perhaps this was refreshing honesty and not a reflection of some sort of mental heath issue. Hmm, nahh. An candid assessment of her performance of Saving All My Love: Tatiana is at her best when she's belting the big mid-scale notes, and not so much in her lower register, nor with her falsetto (soprano) bits. This may have been a textbook example of why the judges have advised for 7 years against tackling a Whitney Houston song. I'm not sure how much longer America can keep this girl's dream alive, or where it will go when it dies.

Danny Gokey, 28 Archetype: Hip Boy-Next-Door

Danny (or as I like to call him "Robert Dough-y, Jr.), has been an early favorite for most of us - he's a stellar vocalist, he connects emotionally to the material, and is a natural stage performer. He is pretty much the whole market-ready package/product. Well, I sort of liked him until he chose this crappy song. Don't ever cover Mariah Carey and expect any respect around here! But he deserves to be here, and to return. And I know he will. The 3 ditto-heads over-genuflected [Paula: "2 words: sold-out arena!"], causing Simon to feel compelled to knock Danny down a few notches, because who will tune in to watch a one-man race? Oh, and remember Danny's joined-at-the-hip BFF Jamar, who got eliminated in a sing-off last week? Hmmm… you don't suppose fate will ever bring them back together on this season's American Idol, do you? What a concept! Nah, that could never happen……

Cowell, Seacrest, Chadboulet return from annual Barbados sunfest

2009-01-27T10:40:00.000-08:00

This is the one good shot I got of the boys at play — Ryan looking as cool as ever; Simon fancying himself as Roger Moore playing Bond — forcing a smile (he so knew I was pointing my camera). He was a pill this year — he & Terri had just split up and he was all ghastly this and horrendous that. Not to mention he had left his favorite black swim trunks back in L.A. Seacrest was the only one who could console him. Ryan makes the best tiramisu — Simon's favorite. They are so good for each other.

Idol Savant back for Season 8

2009-01-26T16:10:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the all-new Idol Savant for Season 8. Visit us again beginning with the February 17 show, and expect to find the recaps you've come to love and loathe. Bookmark this page now and check back on Wednesday, Feb 18. See you soon!

~Chad